I’m not one to write a blog just for the sake of being snarky, but since Sarah can do it (and do it well, I might add), I want to do it too.
Lately, I’ve come to the realization that people bug me. No shit. They are rude, disrespectful, close-minded and just plain annoying. Not all people, but most that I seem to run in to.
I’m not trying to imply that I am perfect. I am not trying to imply that I am never any of those irritating traits. I’m just saying that I at least try really hard to NOT be that way as often as is humanely possible. (Hey, I’m a female; I get at least one day a month to be a bitch. And those days DO rollover, so if I don’t use it this month, I get to be a bitch twice next month!)
If you think for even a second that it is possible that you could be one of those frustrating people in the world that serve no purpose but to fuck up everyone’s life around you, please stop. Seriously. You bug me.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
HATE mail
I got my first piece of hate mail regarding my writing today. I can honestly call it hate mail, because the guy spewed venom about me, my Christianity, and my writing...
I'm okay with it. I thought I would be distraught the first time someone told me my writing was "child abuse," but I'm truthfully okay with it.
I think that I am okay with it, because he was obviously coming from a VERY biased position.
Want to read it? It's actually kind of funny, now that I am no longer saddened by his blatant misunderstanding of who I am as a person.
Excerpts from my first hate mail:
"But - like every other religionist - you are not listening to what other people are saying and are too busy spreading your ridiculous hate filled garbage message.
And while we are on the subject of QUALITY - badly formatted bullshit written to sell children books that rot their brains by teaching them that they are worthless sinners at birth but that is OK because god loves them - well - if they accept Jeebus that is - is nothing like my idea of quality. One less religionist on the site selling un-necessary salvation to innocent children would not be a bad thing as far as I am concerned."
Funny, right? I currently have 20 articles on HubPages. The sheer fact that he choose one of them and concluded that I am a "religionist...spreading hate-filled garbage..." shows me that he is no less judgmental and oppressive than the "religionists" he hates so much.
What a great day!
I'm okay with it. I thought I would be distraught the first time someone told me my writing was "child abuse," but I'm truthfully okay with it.
I think that I am okay with it, because he was obviously coming from a VERY biased position.
Want to read it? It's actually kind of funny, now that I am no longer saddened by his blatant misunderstanding of who I am as a person.
Excerpts from my first hate mail:
"But - like every other religionist - you are not listening to what other people are saying and are too busy spreading your ridiculous hate filled garbage message.
And while we are on the subject of QUALITY - badly formatted bullshit written to sell children books that rot their brains by teaching them that they are worthless sinners at birth but that is OK because god loves them - well - if they accept Jeebus that is - is nothing like my idea of quality. One less religionist on the site selling un-necessary salvation to innocent children would not be a bad thing as far as I am concerned."
Funny, right? I currently have 20 articles on HubPages. The sheer fact that he choose one of them and concluded that I am a "religionist...spreading hate-filled garbage..." shows me that he is no less judgmental and oppressive than the "religionists" he hates so much.
What a great day!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Weirdest Dream EVER
I seriously had the WEIRDEST dream ever last night. And no, I did not eat an Oreo McFlurry to cause it! I have NO idea why I had this dream.
I was at my mom's house (which wasn't REALLY my mom's house, it was really an old castle). There was a bunch of random stuff that happened, like putting away groceries, filling vases with flowers, laundry,etc.
So, I'm in the backyard, and I think I'm raking...and Brad Pitt walks up. (No shit.) And I start giving him a hard time, because he had bought Angelina HUGE diamond earrings because Jen (Aniston, obviously) was making fun of her...And so I'm like taunting Brad Pitt, "Oh, Brad, Jen has bigger earrings than me, waaaa waaa waaa," "Oh, don't worry, Angie, I'll fix it!"
And then Angelina pops her head out the window and starts yelling at me, like we're old friends...no shit. I'M ON TEAM ANISTON! THIS DREAM IS RIDICULOUS!
So, Angie and I sit down at the table, and we're chatting. About life. And I find out that she's a typcial 34-year-old with all the same problems most 30-year-old girls have...except she is with Brad Pitt and they have like 7 kids...
Apparently, in my dream world, Angie and I are pretty good friends...It's really creeping me out. I even asked her if Brad was good in bed! "Well, you know how sexy guys are...they've never had to work for anything in their lives..."
Anyone care to interpret?!!
I was at my mom's house (which wasn't REALLY my mom's house, it was really an old castle). There was a bunch of random stuff that happened, like putting away groceries, filling vases with flowers, laundry,etc.
So, I'm in the backyard, and I think I'm raking...and Brad Pitt walks up. (No shit.) And I start giving him a hard time, because he had bought Angelina HUGE diamond earrings because Jen (Aniston, obviously) was making fun of her...And so I'm like taunting Brad Pitt, "Oh, Brad, Jen has bigger earrings than me, waaaa waaa waaa," "Oh, don't worry, Angie, I'll fix it!"
And then Angelina pops her head out the window and starts yelling at me, like we're old friends...no shit. I'M ON TEAM ANISTON! THIS DREAM IS RIDICULOUS!
So, Angie and I sit down at the table, and we're chatting. About life. And I find out that she's a typcial 34-year-old with all the same problems most 30-year-old girls have...except she is with Brad Pitt and they have like 7 kids...
Apparently, in my dream world, Angie and I are pretty good friends...It's really creeping me out. I even asked her if Brad was good in bed! "Well, you know how sexy guys are...they've never had to work for anything in their lives..."
Anyone care to interpret?!!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Superwoman
I don’t feel like Superwoman today. Lately, I’ve felt like Superwoman, but today I do not. That’s a very dragging feeling to realize you don’t feel amazing today. It ends up being a day that leads no where. I could force myself to clean something or pay the bills or cook something or just get up and do something, but it is really hard when the shadows are there…I don’t feel like superwoman today. I don’t feel like writing, cleaning or even watching television. When I don’t feel like superwoman, I’m quick to remember all the things I have failed at recently rather than all the successes I have had in the past couple months. I don’t like this feeling. And I know sleep isn’t the solution, but really it is all I want to do. Sleep to avoid responsibilities. Sleep to avoid shame. Sleep to hopefully wake up Superwoman again.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Halliburton, KBR, and Business Ethics
Back in college, I wrote a research paper on Halliburton. It was in 2006, during the height of awareness of Halliburton's activities...
I was rereading this research paper and wondering what has happened since then. What I found is even more frustrating than the original disgusting practices of the mega-corporation.
First, they sold off their KBR division, hoping to distance themselves from the ruckus caused by poor business decisions.
Then, they moved their corporate headquarters to the United Arab Emirates, hoping to avoid criminal trials for their crimes. (We do not have an extradition treaty with UAE.)
Here is an excellent article that summarizes the atrocities committed by Halliburton against American taxpayers and the U.S. Military:
Huffington Post
Here is another article that describes their move to UAE in 2007:
Halliburton Moves to Dubai
And here is a website that provides a LOT of information regarding Halliburton:
HalliburtonWatch.Org
And here is my original research paper (it's looooooooong):
Accounting, military, and taxes - all three are a part of my every day life. They also have something else in common - Halliburton. As I study for my Associates of Applied Science degree in accounting, I am increasingly more aware of the corruption that greed seems to cause. Studying Accounting and Business Ethics simultaneously this term helped me see that ethics is an integral part of stemming the corruption in American businesses. By understanding the ethical decision-making process, we learn how, when and why to make ethical decisions.
Halliburton is known for corruption in all three areas – accounting, military and taxes. Halliburton KBR is the engineering and construction division of Halliburton Company. They employ more than 63,000 people in 43 countries. (“KBR FAQs”). KBR designs, builds and provides various services for the energy industry (i.e. Enron), the government (i.e. the U.S. Army), and infrastructure (i.e. rebuilding Iraq). One side of the argument says that Halliburton is a great example of the success of multinational capitalism. The other side sees Halliburton as corrupt, greedy and a predator of taxpayers’ money. Through thorough research and lessons learned in Business Ethics B293, I hope to come to an informed conclusion on the decency of Halliburton KBR’s business decisions.
GOVERNMENT CONTRACTS
Similar to the construction industry, when the government has a job they need completed, they require different companies to submit competing bids. The government then awards the job to the lowest bidder.
No-Bid Contracts
Under a “no-bid” contract, however, there is no bidding. The government awards a job to a “preferred” vendor regardless of their proposal costs. According to State Representative Henry Waxman of California, 37 percent of all government contracts in 2003 were no-bid contracts. Of those contracts, 73 percent were military contracts. (“No-Bid Contracts Up Slightly”). The concern with no-bid contracts is that taxpayers’ dollars are potentially wasted because there is no competition to drive prices down.
Cost-Plus Contracts
A typical cost-plus contract reimburses the contractor for the cost of doing the job plus a fee. Usually that fee is 1 percent of the estimated contract cost and an "incentive fee" of up to 9 percent. (HalliburtonWatch.org). Essentially, a contractor is reimbursed all expenses plus paid a 10 percent mark-up. With this system, contractors actually earn more money by wasting taxpayer money. The cost-plus method of accounting is the primary system today for determining how much government contractors are owed by the taxpayer. (HalliburtonWatch.org).
Halliburton’s Army Logistics contract (LOGCAP) commits Halliburton KBR to provide construction of military housing, transporting food and supplies to military bases, delivering mail, and serving food at military cafeterias. (“KBR FAQs”).
Government contracts are awarded generally through a bidding process. Halliburton’s Restore Iraqi Oil contract, however, was a non-bid award. (“All in the Family”). In the construction industry, corporations with a history of corruption are blacklisted from being awarded government contracts. Halliburton has a long history of corrupt practices: kickbacks, overcharges, questionable accounting practices, etc, but apparently, the government does not consider corruption a reason to stop awarding Halliburton multi-billion dollar contracts.
EXAMPLES OF CORRUPTION
In the last five years, Halliburton has been or is currently under investigation for a plethora of offenses. In the 1995, they pled guilty to criminal charges of violating the U.S. ban on exports to Libya. Through its multinational subsidiaries, Halliburton was supplying Libya with oil drilling equipment that could be used to detonate nuclear weapons. (HalliburtonWatch.org). In January 2003, Halliburton admitted that two of its KBR employees accepted 6.3 million in kickbacks from a subcontractor in Kuwait. (HalliburtonWatch.org). Unproven thus far are two different instances of bribery with the Nigerian government.
Though done in a completely legal way, Halliburton plundered $25 million in pensions from their workers to buy and sell other companies. Soon after, Cheney was awarded a $20 million dollar pension. (HalliburtonWatch.org).
Halliburton is being investigated for possible over-billing taxpayers for government work done in the war in the Balkans between 1996 and 2000. The GAO, the auditors of Congress, found inflated costs for materials and services. Also, within its current Army cost-plus contract (LOGCAP), Halliburton has been investigated for gasoline overcharges, meal overcharges, hotel overcharges, and laundry overcharges. Halliburton has taken steps to remedy the problems with LOGCAP. (“KBR FAQs”).
Contract Restore Iraqi Oil
The biggest controversy Halliburton faces is their no-bid contract to extinguish oil fires in Iraq called the Contract Restore Iraqi Oil (a.k.a. RIO). In March of 2003, Halliburton was awarded a $7 billion contract by the Army Corp of Engineers. Under normal circumstances, the contract would go out for competitive bidding. But in times of emergency, or when national security is involved, the government is allowed to bypass normal procedures and award contracts to a single company, without competition. (“All in the Family”). In 2004, the Pentagon admitted that the RIO contract was awarded to Halliburton after a “political appointee” recommended the company for the difficult task. (HalliburtonWatch.org).
“We are the only company in the United States that had the kind of systems in place, people in place, contracts in place, to do that kind of thing,” says Chuck Dominy, Halliburton’s vice president for government affairs and its chief lobbyist on Capitol Hill. (“All in the Family.”) Halliburton’s competitors, of course, do not agree.
In an interview with CBS News, Bob Grace, the CEO of a well known oil well fire fighting firm, did not get the opportunity to showcase his company’s ability to fight fires, because the Department of Defense told him that the information was classified and there would be no bidding.
“I can accept confidentiality in terms of war plans and all that. But to have secrecy about Saddam Hussein blowing up oil wells, to me, is stupid,” says Grace. “I mean the guy's blown up a thousand of them. So why would that be a revelation to anybody?” (“All in the Family”).
Bob Grace says the whole point of competitive bidding is to save the taxpayers money. He believes they are getting a raw deal. “From what I’ve read in the papers, they're charging $50,000 a day for a five-man team. I know there are guys that are equally as well-qualified as the guys that are over there that'll do it for half that.” (All in the Family.”)
The government gave this contract to Halliburton, without bidding, by adding it to Halliburton’s already existing Army contract. The GAO released a report in 2004 stating that the contract was improperly awarded. (HalliburtonWatch.org).
Accounting Fraud
In addition to all the conflicts of interest between Halliburton and the U. S. Government, the SEC is investigating overstated revenues during the late 1990s. Arthur Anderson, the same accounting firm convicted of helping Enron hide illegal activity, approved the overstatements. Halliburton hid tremendous losses caused by a recession in the oil industry by changing their accounting method and not disclosing it. The consistency principle in generally accepting accounting principles states that a company should “apply the same accounting principles across periods, yet a company can change from one acceptable accounting principle to another as long as the change improves the usefulness of information in the financial statements.” (Chiappeta, et al. 513). If a company does change accounting methods, the change must be reflected in their annual financial statements in multiple places. First, they must recreate last year’s numbers with the new method, in order to offer a comparison. Then, the income statement must have a section detailing the net effect of a change in accounting principles. And finally, there must be a note included with the financial statements describing the change, why it is an improvement and what income would have been under the prior method. (Chiappeta, et al. 514). An interesting note related to Halliburton’s accounting fraud is that the former CEO of Arthur Anderson is now the CEO of Halliburton.
Since the late 1990s, Halliburton has been under continuous investigation for one thing or another. Typically, the investigations do not find illegal activities, but a lot of unethical conduct.
ETHICAL ISSUES
Halliburton’s choice to make unethical decisions has far-reaching effects. Because they are a multinational company, they have more stakeholders than I could possibly address in one ethics paper. But I will try to touch on the most integral.
Stakeholders
Vice President, Mr. Dick Cheney, is the former CEO of Halliburton. As the defense secretary during the Persian Gulf War, Cheney had international contacts that helped to expand Halliburton overseas, and acquire most of Halliburton’s domestic competitors. Under Mr. Cheney’s direction, Halliburton doubled their government contracts from $1.2 to $2.3 billion. (“All in the Family”).
On NBC’s Meet the Press, September 14, 2003, Cheney said, “Since I left Halliburton to become George Bush’s vice president, I’ve severed all my ties with the company, gotten rid of all my financial interest. I have no financial interest in Halliburton of any kind and haven’t had, now, for over three years.” (HalliburtonWatch.org).
Unfortunately, that is not true. He received his severance in five annual payments of over $150,000 during his first term as Vice President. His $20 million pension is separate from that severance, as is the $1.4 million bonus he received in 2001.
But the clincher in his financial interest is the 433,333 shares of unexercised stock options. (HalliburtonWatch.org). If Halliburton increases its value through government contracts, Cheney’s stock options are worth more, thus a financial interest. It turns out, however, that there is an insurance policy that awards Cheney the face value of his stock options no matter Halliburton’s financial situation. This insurance policy, according to the Congressional Research Service, releases Cheney from any financial interest in the dealings of Halliburton. Cheney has signed a written agreement to donate all profits from his stock options to charity. (HalliburtonWatch.org). As noble as that is, taxpayers all over the world are funding the revenues that will eventually pay his stock options to a charity he chooses. It is very apparent that Cheney has made unethical decisions; however, Cheney cannot be prosecuted for conflict of interest or lying.
Once I started this research, I realized I, too, am a stakeholder in Halliburton. I am affected by Halliburton’s corruption. Actually, all service members are affected because this seeming corruption only adds to American’s negativity towards the war in Iraq. Plus, service members are getting shafted because their every move is held tightly to a federal budget; it appears that Halliburton is misappropriating some of that budget. To the tune of about $61 million Halliburton is overcharging for transporting gasoline into Iraq. About $27.4 million dollars has been overcharged to taxpayers for meals served on bases in Iraq and Kuwait in 2003. (HalliburtonWatch.org). A routine audit of Halliburton by the Pentagon found that Halliburton was charging for 42,000 meals a day, but only serving 14,000. A letter from Representative Waxman to an auditor of Defense contracts details many overcharges and highlights a motto of “Don’t worry about the price, it is a cost-plus contract.” (Waxman, Henry). The fuel and meal overcharges alone could add $88 million to the defense budget.
In addition to affecting all taxpayer and all military personnel, the accounting fraud of Halliburton affects all of Corporate America, financial investors, and accountants. The stereotypes of fraud and corruption that honest accountants and ethical corporations face daily have only been proven by the willingness of Halliburton and Arthur Anderson tell “half-truths” in their financial statements.
Corporate Culture
In the letter from Waxman, two whistleblowers give great detail to the corrupt corporate culture at Halliburton and its subsidiaries. Whenever these two gentlemen would try to reduce costs on the Army’s LOGCAP contract, their managers would discipline them and then do the opposite. (Waxman, Henry). It was while reading this letter that I was actually brought to tears over the unethical decisions that Halliburton makes.
Social Responsibility
The whole world is somehow affected by this seeming corruption at Halliburton. When taxpayers’ money is wasted or stolen, we have less money for improving the communities in which we live. When defense budgets are wasted on supplying extra food to soldiers that are not there, we have less money for defended the country. When Americans catch wind of the corruption stemming from the Iraq war, Americans are no longer interested in helping the Iraqi citizens who need us.
Multinational Corporation
World-wide growth, like Halliburton KBR experienced during the late 1990s, can have many consequences. An onslaught of new employees in new countries with new cultures, the sudden reality of multicultural clients and unique governments can all make corporate governance a difficult task. As a multinational company (MNC), Halliburton faces very difficult ethical challenges. Though MNCs have the benefit of taking advantage of a global market, these companies must respond to a responsibility to the countries in which they conduct business. Their size and power can lead to corruption and unethical decision-making.
The number one unethical decision made by Halliburton is to use its foreign subsidiaries to conduct business with rogue nations like Iran, Iraq and Libya. In an interview with ABC Television’s Sam Donaldson, Cheney is quoted as saying, “What we do with respect to Iran and Libya is done through foreign subsidiaries, totally in compliance with US law." When Donaldson suggested, "it's a way around US law," Cheney replied: "No, no, it's provided for us specifically with respect to Iran and Libya." If you're a big multinational that's able to incorporate around the world, you don't have to worry.” (HalliburtonWatch.org). To abuse the advantages the government gives for expanding business to other countries is inexcusable.
CONCLUSION
Government entities should never award contracts without a fair and equitable bidding process. The government should write a code of conduct, adopt ethical standards into a written policy and form a value statement to ensuring that their business dealings are ethical. Though it could be extremely costly, the government should conduct an ethics audit and then have ethical decision-making training. Possibly, by contracting with a college, the ethics audit and trainings could be done by interns, thus significantly lowering the cost to taxpayers.
Halliburton will obviously continue to be awarded government contracts despite their history of corruption. Halliburton actually has a code of conduct that is very strict and very thorough. (KBR FAQs). It would appear though, that the culture and the employees do not understand what exactly an ethical issue is. Halliburton needs to first conduct an ethics audit and then have ethical decision-making training on an on-going basis. Through the study of ethical issues we can learn how best to handle them.
REFERENCES
“All in the Family” CBSNews.com. 16 Mar 2006. CBS Worldwide Inc. 21 Sept 2003
Chiappetta, Barbara, Larson, Kermit D., Wild, John, J. Fundamental Accounting Principles. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill Irwin. 2005.
Ferrell, Linda, Ferrell, O. C., Fraedrich, John. Business Ethics: Ethical Decision Making and Cases. Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin 2005
HalliburtonWatch.org. Essential Information. 13 Feb 2006
“KBR FAQs.” Halliburton. 13 Feb 2006.
Kemper, Dave, et al. The College Writer. Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin, 2004
News Headlines. Military.com. 16 Mar 2003. Military Advantage. 16 Mar 2003.
“No-Bid Government Contracts Up Slightly.” USAToday.com. 27 May 2004. Gannett News. 17 Mar 2006 http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2004-05-27-government-contracts_x.htm
Waxman, Henry A., Letter to Mr. Reed of the Defense Contract Audit Agency. 12 Feb 2004. United States House of Representatives. 16 March 2006 http://www.house.gov/reform/min/pdfs_108_2/pdfs_inves/pdf_admin_halliburton_contract_inves_feb_12_let.pdf
I was rereading this research paper and wondering what has happened since then. What I found is even more frustrating than the original disgusting practices of the mega-corporation.
First, they sold off their KBR division, hoping to distance themselves from the ruckus caused by poor business decisions.
Then, they moved their corporate headquarters to the United Arab Emirates, hoping to avoid criminal trials for their crimes. (We do not have an extradition treaty with UAE.)
Here is an excellent article that summarizes the atrocities committed by Halliburton against American taxpayers and the U.S. Military:
Huffington Post
Here is another article that describes their move to UAE in 2007:
Halliburton Moves to Dubai
And here is a website that provides a LOT of information regarding Halliburton:
HalliburtonWatch.Org
And here is my original research paper (it's looooooooong):
Accounting, military, and taxes - all three are a part of my every day life. They also have something else in common - Halliburton. As I study for my Associates of Applied Science degree in accounting, I am increasingly more aware of the corruption that greed seems to cause. Studying Accounting and Business Ethics simultaneously this term helped me see that ethics is an integral part of stemming the corruption in American businesses. By understanding the ethical decision-making process, we learn how, when and why to make ethical decisions.
Halliburton is known for corruption in all three areas – accounting, military and taxes. Halliburton KBR is the engineering and construction division of Halliburton Company. They employ more than 63,000 people in 43 countries. (“KBR FAQs”). KBR designs, builds and provides various services for the energy industry (i.e. Enron), the government (i.e. the U.S. Army), and infrastructure (i.e. rebuilding Iraq). One side of the argument says that Halliburton is a great example of the success of multinational capitalism. The other side sees Halliburton as corrupt, greedy and a predator of taxpayers’ money. Through thorough research and lessons learned in Business Ethics B293, I hope to come to an informed conclusion on the decency of Halliburton KBR’s business decisions.
GOVERNMENT CONTRACTS
Similar to the construction industry, when the government has a job they need completed, they require different companies to submit competing bids. The government then awards the job to the lowest bidder.
No-Bid Contracts
Under a “no-bid” contract, however, there is no bidding. The government awards a job to a “preferred” vendor regardless of their proposal costs. According to State Representative Henry Waxman of California, 37 percent of all government contracts in 2003 were no-bid contracts. Of those contracts, 73 percent were military contracts. (“No-Bid Contracts Up Slightly”). The concern with no-bid contracts is that taxpayers’ dollars are potentially wasted because there is no competition to drive prices down.
Cost-Plus Contracts
A typical cost-plus contract reimburses the contractor for the cost of doing the job plus a fee. Usually that fee is 1 percent of the estimated contract cost and an "incentive fee" of up to 9 percent. (HalliburtonWatch.org). Essentially, a contractor is reimbursed all expenses plus paid a 10 percent mark-up. With this system, contractors actually earn more money by wasting taxpayer money. The cost-plus method of accounting is the primary system today for determining how much government contractors are owed by the taxpayer. (HalliburtonWatch.org).
Halliburton’s Army Logistics contract (LOGCAP) commits Halliburton KBR to provide construction of military housing, transporting food and supplies to military bases, delivering mail, and serving food at military cafeterias. (“KBR FAQs”).
Government contracts are awarded generally through a bidding process. Halliburton’s Restore Iraqi Oil contract, however, was a non-bid award. (“All in the Family”). In the construction industry, corporations with a history of corruption are blacklisted from being awarded government contracts. Halliburton has a long history of corrupt practices: kickbacks, overcharges, questionable accounting practices, etc, but apparently, the government does not consider corruption a reason to stop awarding Halliburton multi-billion dollar contracts.
EXAMPLES OF CORRUPTION
In the last five years, Halliburton has been or is currently under investigation for a plethora of offenses. In the 1995, they pled guilty to criminal charges of violating the U.S. ban on exports to Libya. Through its multinational subsidiaries, Halliburton was supplying Libya with oil drilling equipment that could be used to detonate nuclear weapons. (HalliburtonWatch.org). In January 2003, Halliburton admitted that two of its KBR employees accepted 6.3 million in kickbacks from a subcontractor in Kuwait. (HalliburtonWatch.org). Unproven thus far are two different instances of bribery with the Nigerian government.
Though done in a completely legal way, Halliburton plundered $25 million in pensions from their workers to buy and sell other companies. Soon after, Cheney was awarded a $20 million dollar pension. (HalliburtonWatch.org).
Halliburton is being investigated for possible over-billing taxpayers for government work done in the war in the Balkans between 1996 and 2000. The GAO, the auditors of Congress, found inflated costs for materials and services. Also, within its current Army cost-plus contract (LOGCAP), Halliburton has been investigated for gasoline overcharges, meal overcharges, hotel overcharges, and laundry overcharges. Halliburton has taken steps to remedy the problems with LOGCAP. (“KBR FAQs”).
Contract Restore Iraqi Oil
The biggest controversy Halliburton faces is their no-bid contract to extinguish oil fires in Iraq called the Contract Restore Iraqi Oil (a.k.a. RIO). In March of 2003, Halliburton was awarded a $7 billion contract by the Army Corp of Engineers. Under normal circumstances, the contract would go out for competitive bidding. But in times of emergency, or when national security is involved, the government is allowed to bypass normal procedures and award contracts to a single company, without competition. (“All in the Family”). In 2004, the Pentagon admitted that the RIO contract was awarded to Halliburton after a “political appointee” recommended the company for the difficult task. (HalliburtonWatch.org).
“We are the only company in the United States that had the kind of systems in place, people in place, contracts in place, to do that kind of thing,” says Chuck Dominy, Halliburton’s vice president for government affairs and its chief lobbyist on Capitol Hill. (“All in the Family.”) Halliburton’s competitors, of course, do not agree.
In an interview with CBS News, Bob Grace, the CEO of a well known oil well fire fighting firm, did not get the opportunity to showcase his company’s ability to fight fires, because the Department of Defense told him that the information was classified and there would be no bidding.
“I can accept confidentiality in terms of war plans and all that. But to have secrecy about Saddam Hussein blowing up oil wells, to me, is stupid,” says Grace. “I mean the guy's blown up a thousand of them. So why would that be a revelation to anybody?” (“All in the Family”).
Bob Grace says the whole point of competitive bidding is to save the taxpayers money. He believes they are getting a raw deal. “From what I’ve read in the papers, they're charging $50,000 a day for a five-man team. I know there are guys that are equally as well-qualified as the guys that are over there that'll do it for half that.” (All in the Family.”)
The government gave this contract to Halliburton, without bidding, by adding it to Halliburton’s already existing Army contract. The GAO released a report in 2004 stating that the contract was improperly awarded. (HalliburtonWatch.org).
Accounting Fraud
In addition to all the conflicts of interest between Halliburton and the U. S. Government, the SEC is investigating overstated revenues during the late 1990s. Arthur Anderson, the same accounting firm convicted of helping Enron hide illegal activity, approved the overstatements. Halliburton hid tremendous losses caused by a recession in the oil industry by changing their accounting method and not disclosing it. The consistency principle in generally accepting accounting principles states that a company should “apply the same accounting principles across periods, yet a company can change from one acceptable accounting principle to another as long as the change improves the usefulness of information in the financial statements.” (Chiappeta, et al. 513). If a company does change accounting methods, the change must be reflected in their annual financial statements in multiple places. First, they must recreate last year’s numbers with the new method, in order to offer a comparison. Then, the income statement must have a section detailing the net effect of a change in accounting principles. And finally, there must be a note included with the financial statements describing the change, why it is an improvement and what income would have been under the prior method. (Chiappeta, et al. 514). An interesting note related to Halliburton’s accounting fraud is that the former CEO of Arthur Anderson is now the CEO of Halliburton.
Since the late 1990s, Halliburton has been under continuous investigation for one thing or another. Typically, the investigations do not find illegal activities, but a lot of unethical conduct.
ETHICAL ISSUES
Halliburton’s choice to make unethical decisions has far-reaching effects. Because they are a multinational company, they have more stakeholders than I could possibly address in one ethics paper. But I will try to touch on the most integral.
Stakeholders
Vice President, Mr. Dick Cheney, is the former CEO of Halliburton. As the defense secretary during the Persian Gulf War, Cheney had international contacts that helped to expand Halliburton overseas, and acquire most of Halliburton’s domestic competitors. Under Mr. Cheney’s direction, Halliburton doubled their government contracts from $1.2 to $2.3 billion. (“All in the Family”).
On NBC’s Meet the Press, September 14, 2003, Cheney said, “Since I left Halliburton to become George Bush’s vice president, I’ve severed all my ties with the company, gotten rid of all my financial interest. I have no financial interest in Halliburton of any kind and haven’t had, now, for over three years.” (HalliburtonWatch.org).
Unfortunately, that is not true. He received his severance in five annual payments of over $150,000 during his first term as Vice President. His $20 million pension is separate from that severance, as is the $1.4 million bonus he received in 2001.
But the clincher in his financial interest is the 433,333 shares of unexercised stock options. (HalliburtonWatch.org). If Halliburton increases its value through government contracts, Cheney’s stock options are worth more, thus a financial interest. It turns out, however, that there is an insurance policy that awards Cheney the face value of his stock options no matter Halliburton’s financial situation. This insurance policy, according to the Congressional Research Service, releases Cheney from any financial interest in the dealings of Halliburton. Cheney has signed a written agreement to donate all profits from his stock options to charity. (HalliburtonWatch.org). As noble as that is, taxpayers all over the world are funding the revenues that will eventually pay his stock options to a charity he chooses. It is very apparent that Cheney has made unethical decisions; however, Cheney cannot be prosecuted for conflict of interest or lying.
Once I started this research, I realized I, too, am a stakeholder in Halliburton. I am affected by Halliburton’s corruption. Actually, all service members are affected because this seeming corruption only adds to American’s negativity towards the war in Iraq. Plus, service members are getting shafted because their every move is held tightly to a federal budget; it appears that Halliburton is misappropriating some of that budget. To the tune of about $61 million Halliburton is overcharging for transporting gasoline into Iraq. About $27.4 million dollars has been overcharged to taxpayers for meals served on bases in Iraq and Kuwait in 2003. (HalliburtonWatch.org). A routine audit of Halliburton by the Pentagon found that Halliburton was charging for 42,000 meals a day, but only serving 14,000. A letter from Representative Waxman to an auditor of Defense contracts details many overcharges and highlights a motto of “Don’t worry about the price, it is a cost-plus contract.” (Waxman, Henry). The fuel and meal overcharges alone could add $88 million to the defense budget.
In addition to affecting all taxpayer and all military personnel, the accounting fraud of Halliburton affects all of Corporate America, financial investors, and accountants. The stereotypes of fraud and corruption that honest accountants and ethical corporations face daily have only been proven by the willingness of Halliburton and Arthur Anderson tell “half-truths” in their financial statements.
Corporate Culture
In the letter from Waxman, two whistleblowers give great detail to the corrupt corporate culture at Halliburton and its subsidiaries. Whenever these two gentlemen would try to reduce costs on the Army’s LOGCAP contract, their managers would discipline them and then do the opposite. (Waxman, Henry). It was while reading this letter that I was actually brought to tears over the unethical decisions that Halliburton makes.
Social Responsibility
The whole world is somehow affected by this seeming corruption at Halliburton. When taxpayers’ money is wasted or stolen, we have less money for improving the communities in which we live. When defense budgets are wasted on supplying extra food to soldiers that are not there, we have less money for defended the country. When Americans catch wind of the corruption stemming from the Iraq war, Americans are no longer interested in helping the Iraqi citizens who need us.
Multinational Corporation
World-wide growth, like Halliburton KBR experienced during the late 1990s, can have many consequences. An onslaught of new employees in new countries with new cultures, the sudden reality of multicultural clients and unique governments can all make corporate governance a difficult task. As a multinational company (MNC), Halliburton faces very difficult ethical challenges. Though MNCs have the benefit of taking advantage of a global market, these companies must respond to a responsibility to the countries in which they conduct business. Their size and power can lead to corruption and unethical decision-making.
The number one unethical decision made by Halliburton is to use its foreign subsidiaries to conduct business with rogue nations like Iran, Iraq and Libya. In an interview with ABC Television’s Sam Donaldson, Cheney is quoted as saying, “What we do with respect to Iran and Libya is done through foreign subsidiaries, totally in compliance with US law." When Donaldson suggested, "it's a way around US law," Cheney replied: "No, no, it's provided for us specifically with respect to Iran and Libya." If you're a big multinational that's able to incorporate around the world, you don't have to worry.” (HalliburtonWatch.org). To abuse the advantages the government gives for expanding business to other countries is inexcusable.
CONCLUSION
Government entities should never award contracts without a fair and equitable bidding process. The government should write a code of conduct, adopt ethical standards into a written policy and form a value statement to ensuring that their business dealings are ethical. Though it could be extremely costly, the government should conduct an ethics audit and then have ethical decision-making training. Possibly, by contracting with a college, the ethics audit and trainings could be done by interns, thus significantly lowering the cost to taxpayers.
Halliburton will obviously continue to be awarded government contracts despite their history of corruption. Halliburton actually has a code of conduct that is very strict and very thorough. (KBR FAQs). It would appear though, that the culture and the employees do not understand what exactly an ethical issue is. Halliburton needs to first conduct an ethics audit and then have ethical decision-making training on an on-going basis. Through the study of ethical issues we can learn how best to handle them.
REFERENCES
“All in the Family” CBSNews.com. 16 Mar 2006. CBS Worldwide Inc. 21 Sept 2003
Chiappetta, Barbara, Larson, Kermit D., Wild, John, J. Fundamental Accounting Principles. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill Irwin. 2005.
Ferrell, Linda, Ferrell, O. C., Fraedrich, John. Business Ethics: Ethical Decision Making and Cases. Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin 2005
HalliburtonWatch.org. Essential Information. 13 Feb 2006
“KBR FAQs.” Halliburton. 13 Feb 2006.
Kemper, Dave, et al. The College Writer. Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin, 2004
News Headlines. Military.com. 16 Mar 2003. Military Advantage. 16 Mar 2003.
“No-Bid Government Contracts Up Slightly.” USAToday.com. 27 May 2004. Gannett News. 17 Mar 2006 http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2004-05-27-government-contracts_x.htm
Waxman, Henry A., Letter to Mr. Reed of the Defense Contract Audit Agency. 12 Feb 2004. United States House of Representatives. 16 March 2006 http://www.house.gov/reform/min/pdfs_108_2/pdfs_inves/pdf_admin_halliburton_contract_inves_feb_12_let.pdf
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Personal agendas have no place in arguments to protect children
I am not an Obama-hater. I think that he had an opportunity to change the world and so far, he has fallen short. I know that part of that is that there was so much wrong in the world that he couldn't fix it all, but I think he had poor strategy, shitty advisors, and incomplete execution of his plans.
I say all that because I don't want you to think that I am posting this article for the sole purpose of bashing Obama. This article sheds an interesting light on the dynamics of children, of neighborhoods, on gangs, on schools and on the ridiculousness of bureaucracy running our lives. I'm not entirely Libertarian, but I definitely ascribe to some of their ideas.
Just like workers often feel like their boss is clueless to the day-to-day trials of a job, the city, state and federal governments have no idea what is best for a neighborhood. I realize that you would think that city governments know what is best, but they don't. They are clueless to the day-to-day happenings on the streets, in the school and in homes. The government bodies act as one unit - that unit does not know one single person that its choices impact.
I'm not implying that I think schools should be segregated by gangs to avoid violence. But I am pointing out that whomever made the choice to redistrict these schools obviously had no idea the impact it would have on the day-to-day life of the children involved.
School closings may be root of Chicago teen deaths
And now that a child has been beaten to death on a cell phone video camara for all the nation to see, Obama is sending the SAME guy who made the decision to redistrict, back to Chicago. The article doesn't say exactly why he is sending Arne Duncan, U.S. Secretary of Education, back to Chicago to meet with school officials and students...My guess, however, is that they will NOT be discussing the impact absentee parents have on gang activity, they will NOT be discussing the impact violence has on human life, and they also will probably NOT be discussing the idea of expelling all gang members from public schools.
Another interesting article, Chicago Violence Haunts Obama, reveals that "47 school-age children have been killed in homicides, mostly by guns, since the month President Barack Obama took office."
But then in the other article, you see a Child Protective Services worker stating, "The violence claiming the lives of Chicago youth is not limited to the school week or inside the school."
What we seem to have hear is a common case of all parties involved refusing to actually listen, to actually dig in to find the root of the problem, a governement choosing to be reactive rather than proactive, and everybody pleading the case for their own agenda. You have gun-control advocates focusing on the guns, you have fiscal conservatives focusing on the contributions that Section 8 and welfare make to poverty, you have school officials touting the improvement in their test scores, you have Obama-haters focusing on Obama's inability to fix the problems while he was in Illinios, and athletes and city officials focusing on the lost opportunity of the 2016 Olympics.
I'm not so bold as to say I have a solution to Chicagos years of violence problems. But I am saying that if someone doesn't speak up soon to find a solution to the whole problem, children will continue to die.
I say all that because I don't want you to think that I am posting this article for the sole purpose of bashing Obama. This article sheds an interesting light on the dynamics of children, of neighborhoods, on gangs, on schools and on the ridiculousness of bureaucracy running our lives. I'm not entirely Libertarian, but I definitely ascribe to some of their ideas.
Just like workers often feel like their boss is clueless to the day-to-day trials of a job, the city, state and federal governments have no idea what is best for a neighborhood. I realize that you would think that city governments know what is best, but they don't. They are clueless to the day-to-day happenings on the streets, in the school and in homes. The government bodies act as one unit - that unit does not know one single person that its choices impact.
I'm not implying that I think schools should be segregated by gangs to avoid violence. But I am pointing out that whomever made the choice to redistrict these schools obviously had no idea the impact it would have on the day-to-day life of the children involved.
School closings may be root of Chicago teen deaths
And now that a child has been beaten to death on a cell phone video camara for all the nation to see, Obama is sending the SAME guy who made the decision to redistrict, back to Chicago. The article doesn't say exactly why he is sending Arne Duncan, U.S. Secretary of Education, back to Chicago to meet with school officials and students...My guess, however, is that they will NOT be discussing the impact absentee parents have on gang activity, they will NOT be discussing the impact violence has on human life, and they also will probably NOT be discussing the idea of expelling all gang members from public schools.
Another interesting article, Chicago Violence Haunts Obama, reveals that "47 school-age children have been killed in homicides, mostly by guns, since the month President Barack Obama took office."
But then in the other article, you see a Child Protective Services worker stating, "The violence claiming the lives of Chicago youth is not limited to the school week or inside the school."
What we seem to have hear is a common case of all parties involved refusing to actually listen, to actually dig in to find the root of the problem, a governement choosing to be reactive rather than proactive, and everybody pleading the case for their own agenda. You have gun-control advocates focusing on the guns, you have fiscal conservatives focusing on the contributions that Section 8 and welfare make to poverty, you have school officials touting the improvement in their test scores, you have Obama-haters focusing on Obama's inability to fix the problems while he was in Illinios, and athletes and city officials focusing on the lost opportunity of the 2016 Olympics.
I'm not so bold as to say I have a solution to Chicagos years of violence problems. But I am saying that if someone doesn't speak up soon to find a solution to the whole problem, children will continue to die.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
The Desert Garden at Balboa Park
I had the pleasure of strolling through the Desert Garden at Balboa Park today. Why I was there is a long, sad tale, but since I was there I planned to enjoy it. I had been there once before, but I was with a stick in the mud…
This morning, when I returned, I was sad that I had not returned sooner. Not only is this garden amazing, but cacti themselves are spectacular. They are so intricate – prickly on the outside but soft, supple, thirsty on the inside. They are green. They flower. They protect themselves, and yet if you allow them to, they can take your breath away with their awesomeness.
In case you didn’t know, I have a near obsession with the Joshua Tree. And somehow, the fact that there are Joshua Trees in San Diego escaped me. I almost cried as I walked around a curve there was a tree of Yeshua beckoning me. I know it is odd that I would have a fascination with a Mormon symbol, but I find the tree, and all it represented, to be fascinating.
I enjoyed cacti today that were so varied – they looked like everything from animals to sea life to cartoons to monsters to palm trees. They can be gi-normous or itsy bitsy. And the prickles – maybe Dolly was actually on to something with her cacti security system. I wish I could draw. I wish I had brought my camera. I tried to find images for you on Google, but all they had were the common ones - saguaro, pear or flowers on barrel cactus...
I saw one that looked like a crab. I saw a flowering pineapple. Sometimes, they look like Dr. Seuss drawings. Sometimes they even look like snails without shells. They look like starfish. There was a tree that looked like a cyclops with an afro. There was another tree that looked as though it was where green beans come from. Another one was literally a million arrows pointing to Heaven.
There was one that I enjoyed very much, but I could not think of an accurate word picture to describe it. It was a brown stick, with rows of tiny green leaves (shaped like stegosaurus back plates – no, not the Thagomizer). Between each leaf was a shiny silver prickle. It reminded me of ants marching to the top; it was very orderly, very uniform, very organized.
Cacti house lizards and birds and spiders. Some can even heal you. And some can possibly get you high.
What a blessing I received today – to be stuck in the Desert Garden at Balboa Park! I really did not want to leave.
Two things I learned while writing this blog:
Regarding grammar: more than one cactus = cacti (cactuses is acceptable)
Regarding succulents: Virtually all cacti are succulents, but not all succulents are cacti.
10-05-09
I added pics of the cactus garden to Brytin's blog. Check 'em out :)
This morning, when I returned, I was sad that I had not returned sooner. Not only is this garden amazing, but cacti themselves are spectacular. They are so intricate – prickly on the outside but soft, supple, thirsty on the inside. They are green. They flower. They protect themselves, and yet if you allow them to, they can take your breath away with their awesomeness.
In case you didn’t know, I have a near obsession with the Joshua Tree. And somehow, the fact that there are Joshua Trees in San Diego escaped me. I almost cried as I walked around a curve there was a tree of Yeshua beckoning me. I know it is odd that I would have a fascination with a Mormon symbol, but I find the tree, and all it represented, to be fascinating.
I enjoyed cacti today that were so varied – they looked like everything from animals to sea life to cartoons to monsters to palm trees. They can be gi-normous or itsy bitsy. And the prickles – maybe Dolly was actually on to something with her cacti security system. I wish I could draw. I wish I had brought my camera. I tried to find images for you on Google, but all they had were the common ones - saguaro, pear or flowers on barrel cactus...
I saw one that looked like a crab. I saw a flowering pineapple. Sometimes, they look like Dr. Seuss drawings. Sometimes they even look like snails without shells. They look like starfish. There was a tree that looked like a cyclops with an afro. There was another tree that looked as though it was where green beans come from. Another one was literally a million arrows pointing to Heaven.
There was one that I enjoyed very much, but I could not think of an accurate word picture to describe it. It was a brown stick, with rows of tiny green leaves (shaped like stegosaurus back plates – no, not the Thagomizer). Between each leaf was a shiny silver prickle. It reminded me of ants marching to the top; it was very orderly, very uniform, very organized.
Cacti house lizards and birds and spiders. Some can even heal you. And some can possibly get you high.
What a blessing I received today – to be stuck in the Desert Garden at Balboa Park! I really did not want to leave.
Two things I learned while writing this blog:
Regarding grammar: more than one cactus = cacti (cactuses is acceptable)
Regarding succulents: Virtually all cacti are succulents, but not all succulents are cacti.
10-05-09
I added pics of the cactus garden to Brytin's blog. Check 'em out :)
Thursday, October 1, 2009
A Year Has Passed
One year ago, I began a journey that I was not at all prepared for. Truthfully, it is a journey that may never end, and it probably began more than a year ago.
One year ago, I wrote this:
In my particular trial that started 9/28/08, and will last for the rest of my life, it really was not even about me. It was not a lesson I needed to learn. I am just the example of Christ that was necessary for all parties involved. I have to go through this so that others can see what unconditional love really looks like.
Many things happened to compound the problems I faced that day, but thankfully, I embraced every circumstance as an opportunity to exemplify love. Oh sure, I still got angry and sad and frustrated and confused and scared, but when all the dust settled, I chose love as the emotion to display.
Over the last year, I have grown more than I ever thought possible. I have physically shrank due to stress, I have emotionally broken-down multiple times and I have cried more tears than some cry in a lifetime. I have even shouted and pounded my fists a few times.
But, as I look back over the last year, I can see the wonderful woman I have become.
By loving others unconditionally, I have finally begun to love myself unconditionally.
One year ago, I wrote this:
In my particular trial that started 9/28/08, and will last for the rest of my life, it really was not even about me. It was not a lesson I needed to learn. I am just the example of Christ that was necessary for all parties involved. I have to go through this so that others can see what unconditional love really looks like.
Many things happened to compound the problems I faced that day, but thankfully, I embraced every circumstance as an opportunity to exemplify love. Oh sure, I still got angry and sad and frustrated and confused and scared, but when all the dust settled, I chose love as the emotion to display.
Over the last year, I have grown more than I ever thought possible. I have physically shrank due to stress, I have emotionally broken-down multiple times and I have cried more tears than some cry in a lifetime. I have even shouted and pounded my fists a few times.
But, as I look back over the last year, I can see the wonderful woman I have become.
By loving others unconditionally, I have finally begun to love myself unconditionally.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Effective Communication Requires Compassion - Part III in a Series
In reading the book, “How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking about it” by Pat Love and Steve Stosny, I have learned some invaluable tools to improving communication. The tools have been helpful in my marriage, but are also applicable to other relationships – co-workers, children, friends and family.
First, I learned that fear and shame are the driving factors in most conversations that are not of a positive nature. When in a conversation, recognizing and respecting the other person’s fears or shame will go a long way in improving communication.
Read Part I here
Second, I learned that while recognizing and respecting someone’s fear or shame can improve communication, actually talking about it will often times create anger, resentment, barriers and/or silence. In order to reconnect with someone you have had a communication disconnection from, you need to focus on your own core values and make sure that you are being true to exactly what is most important to you.
Read Part II here
Remaining true to our core values is a vital step in communication improvement. Until you have a good handle on focusing on your own actions, judging your own efforts and behavior, you will be unable to “deepen your understanding” of someone else’s perspective.
The next step in improving your communication is compassion. Some people confuse sympathy, empathy and compassion.
Sympathy is as if to say, “I’m really sorry you are going through this. If there is anything I can do to ease your pain, please let me know.”
Empathy is to have shared in a similar experience thus resulting in a deeper understanding and ability to aid in the healing process – even so far as making suggestions for steps towards healing.
Compassion is a general feeling of care and concern for someone important to you. This care and concern leads to a desire to understand this person’s pain and ultimately a willingness to do whatever it takes to help him or her.
Until we have compassion for someone else’s fear or shame, we cannot work to improve the circumstances or situation that caused the fear or shame in the first place.
A Real Life Example
I recently had a friend who had no problem very bluntly telling me exactly what the problems are in my life. And even though there was some truth in her stinging observations regarding my marriage, my job, my personality, my mentality, my Christianity, my parenting skills, and my relationship with family, we were unable to devise any solutions to said problems, because her observations lacked compassion.
She had no concern for my feelings or respect for me as an individual or understanding of how or why I got in to certain predicaments in the first place. Because she was unwilling to understand my perspective, because she was so focused on proving me wrong, I created a barrier. I stopped hearing her rambling about what I needed to do to “fix my life,” and spent my time with her being thankful that I was not her. Instead of there being a mutual respect for our differences, an appreciation for our separate set of experiences, instead of there being a sensitivity to our individualities, our different temperaments, and our different vulnerabilities, I was only willing to put up with whatever she had to say, hold in how I really felt, change the subject as soon as possible, and avoid it for the remainder of our time together. Sound like communication you have had?
Marriage Application
The same insensitivity to individuality happens in marriage. “The very intensity of love, when it exists without high levels of compassion, seems to make us merge with each other; we begin to assume that our loved ones see the world exactly the way we do. This obscures what they actually feel, how they think, and, in large part, who they really are. They become merely a source of emotion for us, rather than separate persons in their own right. If they make us feel good, we put them on a pedestal. If they make us feel bad by not seeing the world the way we do, we feel betrayed. (See pages 114-115)”
On page 108, the authors break it down very simply:
• If you are a woman and you’re feeling resentful, angry, anxious or afraid, and your partner is not helping, he is trying to avoid feeling shame. Your anxiety = his sense of inadequacy or failure.
• If you are a man and your feeling resentful, angry, sulky or withdrawn, and your partner is not helping, she is feeling anxious. Your irritation = her fear.
It is at this point when a woman typically would try to talk about the issue. Unfortunately, when we are hurt, our language part of the brain is lacking blood. Instead of working together to solve a problem we “fumble for the right words or use the wrong words and express something different” than what we mean. We ask to be valued, appreciated cherished, but we are actually causing our partner to feel inadequate, like a failure.
In these situations, the authors suggest that rather than talking about the issue, we make a nonverbal attempt to reconnect to our partners. “If one person makes a genuine gesture of connection, the other partner will feel the impact even if he or she does not reciprocate at the moment…Even if your partner does not respond in your preferred manner, making a gesture of connection will connect you to your core values and raise the compassion level in the relationship…when the two of your feel connected, you can easily solve the problem. (See page 109.)”
Compassion makes us better people in all areas of life. When we expand beyond the limitations of our own experiences, we open ourselves up to opportunities to improve our self-value. We can help people we care about manage their vulnerabilities rather than use them as weapons for our personal gain.
Compassion in communication may require you to be kind to someone who is not being kind to you. But if your marriage is full of arguments, bickering, insults and communication breakdowns, why not be true to who you are and extend compassion to the person you have chosen to spend your life with? If your working relationship with someone is full of sideways barbs, undermining, and an unwillingness to work as a team, why not be true to who you are and extend compassion to a person you are stuck working with?
First, I learned that fear and shame are the driving factors in most conversations that are not of a positive nature. When in a conversation, recognizing and respecting the other person’s fears or shame will go a long way in improving communication.
Read Part I here
Second, I learned that while recognizing and respecting someone’s fear or shame can improve communication, actually talking about it will often times create anger, resentment, barriers and/or silence. In order to reconnect with someone you have had a communication disconnection from, you need to focus on your own core values and make sure that you are being true to exactly what is most important to you.
Read Part II here
Remaining true to our core values is a vital step in communication improvement. Until you have a good handle on focusing on your own actions, judging your own efforts and behavior, you will be unable to “deepen your understanding” of someone else’s perspective.
The next step in improving your communication is compassion. Some people confuse sympathy, empathy and compassion.
Sympathy is as if to say, “I’m really sorry you are going through this. If there is anything I can do to ease your pain, please let me know.”
Empathy is to have shared in a similar experience thus resulting in a deeper understanding and ability to aid in the healing process – even so far as making suggestions for steps towards healing.
Compassion is a general feeling of care and concern for someone important to you. This care and concern leads to a desire to understand this person’s pain and ultimately a willingness to do whatever it takes to help him or her.
Until we have compassion for someone else’s fear or shame, we cannot work to improve the circumstances or situation that caused the fear or shame in the first place.
A Real Life Example
I recently had a friend who had no problem very bluntly telling me exactly what the problems are in my life. And even though there was some truth in her stinging observations regarding my marriage, my job, my personality, my mentality, my Christianity, my parenting skills, and my relationship with family, we were unable to devise any solutions to said problems, because her observations lacked compassion.
She had no concern for my feelings or respect for me as an individual or understanding of how or why I got in to certain predicaments in the first place. Because she was unwilling to understand my perspective, because she was so focused on proving me wrong, I created a barrier. I stopped hearing her rambling about what I needed to do to “fix my life,” and spent my time with her being thankful that I was not her. Instead of there being a mutual respect for our differences, an appreciation for our separate set of experiences, instead of there being a sensitivity to our individualities, our different temperaments, and our different vulnerabilities, I was only willing to put up with whatever she had to say, hold in how I really felt, change the subject as soon as possible, and avoid it for the remainder of our time together. Sound like communication you have had?
Marriage Application
The same insensitivity to individuality happens in marriage. “The very intensity of love, when it exists without high levels of compassion, seems to make us merge with each other; we begin to assume that our loved ones see the world exactly the way we do. This obscures what they actually feel, how they think, and, in large part, who they really are. They become merely a source of emotion for us, rather than separate persons in their own right. If they make us feel good, we put them on a pedestal. If they make us feel bad by not seeing the world the way we do, we feel betrayed. (See pages 114-115)”
On page 108, the authors break it down very simply:
• If you are a woman and you’re feeling resentful, angry, anxious or afraid, and your partner is not helping, he is trying to avoid feeling shame. Your anxiety = his sense of inadequacy or failure.
• If you are a man and your feeling resentful, angry, sulky or withdrawn, and your partner is not helping, she is feeling anxious. Your irritation = her fear.
It is at this point when a woman typically would try to talk about the issue. Unfortunately, when we are hurt, our language part of the brain is lacking blood. Instead of working together to solve a problem we “fumble for the right words or use the wrong words and express something different” than what we mean. We ask to be valued, appreciated cherished, but we are actually causing our partner to feel inadequate, like a failure.
In these situations, the authors suggest that rather than talking about the issue, we make a nonverbal attempt to reconnect to our partners. “If one person makes a genuine gesture of connection, the other partner will feel the impact even if he or she does not reciprocate at the moment…Even if your partner does not respond in your preferred manner, making a gesture of connection will connect you to your core values and raise the compassion level in the relationship…when the two of your feel connected, you can easily solve the problem. (See page 109.)”
Compassion makes us better people in all areas of life. When we expand beyond the limitations of our own experiences, we open ourselves up to opportunities to improve our self-value. We can help people we care about manage their vulnerabilities rather than use them as weapons for our personal gain.
Compassion in communication may require you to be kind to someone who is not being kind to you. But if your marriage is full of arguments, bickering, insults and communication breakdowns, why not be true to who you are and extend compassion to the person you have chosen to spend your life with? If your working relationship with someone is full of sideways barbs, undermining, and an unwillingness to work as a team, why not be true to who you are and extend compassion to a person you are stuck working with?
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Broussard Bible Blog
I started another blog. Why? Well, that is a really long and sorry tale, but I started it. Read it if you are interested.
Broussard Bible Blog
Broussard Bible Blog
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
School
A couple weeks ago, I made the choice to enroll in a writing school. I want to be a writer, a published writer. I've recently been working some internet avenues to make small amounts of money with my writing, but decided to enroll in a writing course that guarantees I will be published (or my money back).
I submitted my initial assignment (a personal profile), and then waited for my books to show up prior to moving on to my next assignment.
My books came today! Suddenly, I am overwhelmed, I am excited, I am nervous and I am curious. Can I really do this? Can I really write for profit? Am I good enough? Am I smart enough? Am I witty enough? Is what I have to say of any consequence to the world?
Does it matter? Am I writing for myself or for others? Am I writing for creative release or for an income?
Will I be able to find the time to do this? I know it sounds ludicrious - I don't work, but really my days are full! I am going to need to organize myself a little better if I am to write every day in addition to taking care of my home, my family, myself and various other responsibilities.
Today I received four assignments, six books and 7 CD/DVDs. WTF?! Six books? What about the books I am already reading - Becoming a Writer, How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking, Searching for God Knows What? Plus, I am supposed to be reading with Brytin every day!
I have been writing to this blog for exactly two months today. Not everyday, but a lot. I pour my heart and soul out every chance I get. I do not get much reaction. I do not know if anyone reads what I've written. I do not know if anyone is impacted by my efforts.
I have about a week to decide if I'm really going to go through with this schooling...I think my first decision needs to be to decide if I am writing for me or for you.
I submitted my initial assignment (a personal profile), and then waited for my books to show up prior to moving on to my next assignment.
My books came today! Suddenly, I am overwhelmed, I am excited, I am nervous and I am curious. Can I really do this? Can I really write for profit? Am I good enough? Am I smart enough? Am I witty enough? Is what I have to say of any consequence to the world?
Does it matter? Am I writing for myself or for others? Am I writing for creative release or for an income?
Will I be able to find the time to do this? I know it sounds ludicrious - I don't work, but really my days are full! I am going to need to organize myself a little better if I am to write every day in addition to taking care of my home, my family, myself and various other responsibilities.
Today I received four assignments, six books and 7 CD/DVDs. WTF?! Six books? What about the books I am already reading - Becoming a Writer, How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking, Searching for God Knows What? Plus, I am supposed to be reading with Brytin every day!
I have been writing to this blog for exactly two months today. Not everyday, but a lot. I pour my heart and soul out every chance I get. I do not get much reaction. I do not know if anyone reads what I've written. I do not know if anyone is impacted by my efforts.
I have about a week to decide if I'm really going to go through with this schooling...I think my first decision needs to be to decide if I am writing for me or for you.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Perseverance
A lesser-minded individual would have given up by now. A weaker soul would have caved, but she perseveres. She continues to fight for herself and for her children. She stays sober in the face of defeat, not because the courts are telling her to, but because sobriety is her choice.
In the six and a half months since that tragic night, she has gotten certified to be a personal chef and a yoga instructor. She has continued her quest for a bachelor’s degree in psychology. She has taken classes to learn co-parenting skills, communication skills and anger management skills. She has read countless books. She successfully completed a month-long stint in rehab. She has told her story to substance abuse classes. She has endured the death of her grandmother. She has lost and regained partial custody of her two children. She spends every Saturday and Sunday with them. She attends church at least three Alcoholics Anonymous meetings every week. She reads her Bible every day and prays that God’s Will would be done in her life. She attends church every Sunday and teaches her son everything she can about Jesus Christ.
For all intents and purposes, the woman has been rehabilitated. What more could she possibly do to atone for her sins? Yes, she endangered her life and her son’s. I get that. But should a woman be seen only as her mistake? Did we not learn anything from “The Scarlett Letter?”
Her readiness conference yesterday was continued until October 29th. That’s more than six weeks from now! The emotions I felt in July are even more frustrated now. The District Attorney continues to try to make an example of her – offering nothing but punishment to the full extent the law allows.
Who would gain from such a sentence? What benefit would be added to San Diego County if she served YEARS in prison for driving drunk? Her children won’t be any safer than they are now. She won’t be any more encouraged to be a productive member of society. Putting her in prison puts a drain on the taxpayers, whereas allowing her to be free to work pays taxes. She won’t have a license, she doesn’t have a car – she cannot endanger anyone’s life any more than you or me.
I understand that she has shown that when under the influence of alcohol, she is capable of making poor decisions. However, time has proven that she wants to be sober. Forever.
What good is it doing anyone to continue punishing her and possibly even punish her more?! Who is benefitting from this? Certainly not her or her children, not Chris or Richard or me are gaining anything. She cannot go off base (except for meetings), so her shopping is limited to the convenience store at the hospital. She cannot go to Bible study. She cannot pick up her mail. She cannot even take her kids to a playground.
And this is where her strength, intelligence and perseverance shine through. Sure, she gets frustrated and disappointed every time her request for liberty is denied. But every time, she accepts it and continues her journey. She does not drown her sorrows in liquor, she does not throw up her hands in surrender, she does not change her course. She trusts in the Lord’s timing and wholeheartedly believes that “all things work for the good of those who love Him.” (Romans 8:26)
I can only pray that someone somewhere will eventually see and appreciate the amazing woman she has become and allow her the opportunity to be the beacon of light that she is to a greater audience.
In the six and a half months since that tragic night, she has gotten certified to be a personal chef and a yoga instructor. She has continued her quest for a bachelor’s degree in psychology. She has taken classes to learn co-parenting skills, communication skills and anger management skills. She has read countless books. She successfully completed a month-long stint in rehab. She has told her story to substance abuse classes. She has endured the death of her grandmother. She has lost and regained partial custody of her two children. She spends every Saturday and Sunday with them. She attends church at least three Alcoholics Anonymous meetings every week. She reads her Bible every day and prays that God’s Will would be done in her life. She attends church every Sunday and teaches her son everything she can about Jesus Christ.
For all intents and purposes, the woman has been rehabilitated. What more could she possibly do to atone for her sins? Yes, she endangered her life and her son’s. I get that. But should a woman be seen only as her mistake? Did we not learn anything from “The Scarlett Letter?”
Her readiness conference yesterday was continued until October 29th. That’s more than six weeks from now! The emotions I felt in July are even more frustrated now. The District Attorney continues to try to make an example of her – offering nothing but punishment to the full extent the law allows.
Who would gain from such a sentence? What benefit would be added to San Diego County if she served YEARS in prison for driving drunk? Her children won’t be any safer than they are now. She won’t be any more encouraged to be a productive member of society. Putting her in prison puts a drain on the taxpayers, whereas allowing her to be free to work pays taxes. She won’t have a license, she doesn’t have a car – she cannot endanger anyone’s life any more than you or me.
I understand that she has shown that when under the influence of alcohol, she is capable of making poor decisions. However, time has proven that she wants to be sober. Forever.
What good is it doing anyone to continue punishing her and possibly even punish her more?! Who is benefitting from this? Certainly not her or her children, not Chris or Richard or me are gaining anything. She cannot go off base (except for meetings), so her shopping is limited to the convenience store at the hospital. She cannot go to Bible study. She cannot pick up her mail. She cannot even take her kids to a playground.
And this is where her strength, intelligence and perseverance shine through. Sure, she gets frustrated and disappointed every time her request for liberty is denied. But every time, she accepts it and continues her journey. She does not drown her sorrows in liquor, she does not throw up her hands in surrender, she does not change her course. She trusts in the Lord’s timing and wholeheartedly believes that “all things work for the good of those who love Him.” (Romans 8:26)
I can only pray that someone somewhere will eventually see and appreciate the amazing woman she has become and allow her the opportunity to be the beacon of light that she is to a greater audience.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
How to Improve Your Communication without Talking – Part II
After reviewing Part I of the book “How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking about it” by Pat Love and Steve Stosney, I waited a while before diving into Part II. I wanted to give myself time to digest and apply the things I learned in Part I. If you haven’t read How to Improve Your Communication Part I, please do so before reading this review.
I am only eight pages into Part II “Using Your Fear and Shame to Create Love Beyond Words.” I must admit, I am mildly shocked by what I have read so far. As I concluded my review of Part I, I was expecting for the authors to “explain how I can have better respect for our differences and approach my husband in a non-confrontational, non-threatening way so that both of us are compelled to listen.” And though that is exactly what they have done in the first chapter, I am shocked, because:
1. The manner in which they are suggesting I have better respect for our differences is not what I expected to read and
2. I already figured this out on my own.
Not to toot my own horn too much, but only about six weeks ago, I was discussing my marriage with my Bestie, and I came to the same conclusion that the authors are presenting.
It goes something like this:
I cannot change my husband. I can only control my actions and responses. If Chris chooses to be a less than spectacular husband, he will have to live with that. When he is 80 years old, he will bear the burden of regret for the opportunities he chose to ignore - not me. I can control my choices. I can choose to be an amazing wife every single day. I can joyfully take care of his home, his son, and his finances. If he chooses to be a schmuck, that is his loss. He loses out on the opportunity to be an amazing husband, but that does not change my opportunity to be an amazing wife.
I kid you not, that is exactly what this book is telling me so far. After asking me a few questions about my core values or what qualities make me me, the book goes on to say this:
Staying true to your values and honoring those of your partner are essential to improving your relationship. “The capacity to stay true to your deepest values – and thereby transform your fear and shame – lies entirely within you. If you remain true to your answers to the ‘most important’ questions, you will most likely have a strong connection with your partner. And in the end, you will judge yourself by your own efforts and behavior, not by your partner’s.”
Here’s how it looks in a practical application:
“When you are upset, angry or resentful, try to focus less on what your partner is doing and ask yourself these questions:
Am I acting like the person I most want to be? If not, what can I do to act like that person? Answer: Improve, Appreciate, Connect or Protect.
Am I being the partner I want to be? If not, what can I do? Answer: Improve, Appreciate, Connect or Protect.”
I suppose I got a little ahead of myself in my excitement. According to the authors, women’s fear and man’s shame are aroused by guilt. Guilt is the direct result of doing/saying something that is out of line with what is most important to you, or your core values. For example, my answer to the question “What is the most important thing about you as a partner” was “The unwavering love and support I show my spouse.” So whenever I step away from that core value, whenever my words and actions do not show unwavering support to my husband, I subconsciously feel guilty and then instantly need to talk to him to restore my feelings of connectedness.
To get you back in step with your core values (without talking about your relationship), the book offers these four “core value inspirations:”
Improve. “If you are feeling bad and you think about what you can do to make it a little better – you do not even have to do it, just think of it – you will start feeling better…Even if improvement is only in your head, it will change your emotional demeanor and that will make negotiations with your partner go much better.
Appreciate. Value your partner. Subsequently, you will value your own life.
Connect. “Genuinely care about your partner’s emotional state.”
Protect. “Help him relieve his dread of failure as a provider, protector, lover and father. Help her to relieve her fear of isolation, deprivation and harm.”
I still have another 100 pages of Part II to read, but I decided to go step-by-step in my review in order to make sure I fully understand each suggestion. I think the first chapter is telling me to start improving my marriage by focusing less on my partner’s mistakes and more on my responses to those mistakes. To steal from Ghandi, “Be the change you want to see in your relationship.” If you are not being true to yourself in your words and actions, choose to improve. Start by appreciating, connecting or protecting – whatever comes first in your circumstance, whatever comes naturally to you.
Once I am finished with this book, I plan to read The Female Brain
I am only eight pages into Part II “Using Your Fear and Shame to Create Love Beyond Words.” I must admit, I am mildly shocked by what I have read so far. As I concluded my review of Part I, I was expecting for the authors to “explain how I can have better respect for our differences and approach my husband in a non-confrontational, non-threatening way so that both of us are compelled to listen.” And though that is exactly what they have done in the first chapter, I am shocked, because:
1. The manner in which they are suggesting I have better respect for our differences is not what I expected to read and
2. I already figured this out on my own.
Not to toot my own horn too much, but only about six weeks ago, I was discussing my marriage with my Bestie, and I came to the same conclusion that the authors are presenting.
It goes something like this:
I cannot change my husband. I can only control my actions and responses. If Chris chooses to be a less than spectacular husband, he will have to live with that. When he is 80 years old, he will bear the burden of regret for the opportunities he chose to ignore - not me. I can control my choices. I can choose to be an amazing wife every single day. I can joyfully take care of his home, his son, and his finances. If he chooses to be a schmuck, that is his loss. He loses out on the opportunity to be an amazing husband, but that does not change my opportunity to be an amazing wife.
I kid you not, that is exactly what this book is telling me so far. After asking me a few questions about my core values or what qualities make me me, the book goes on to say this:
Staying true to your values and honoring those of your partner are essential to improving your relationship. “The capacity to stay true to your deepest values – and thereby transform your fear and shame – lies entirely within you. If you remain true to your answers to the ‘most important’ questions, you will most likely have a strong connection with your partner. And in the end, you will judge yourself by your own efforts and behavior, not by your partner’s.”
Here’s how it looks in a practical application:
“When you are upset, angry or resentful, try to focus less on what your partner is doing and ask yourself these questions:
Am I acting like the person I most want to be? If not, what can I do to act like that person? Answer: Improve, Appreciate, Connect or Protect.
Am I being the partner I want to be? If not, what can I do? Answer: Improve, Appreciate, Connect or Protect.”
I suppose I got a little ahead of myself in my excitement. According to the authors, women’s fear and man’s shame are aroused by guilt. Guilt is the direct result of doing/saying something that is out of line with what is most important to you, or your core values. For example, my answer to the question “What is the most important thing about you as a partner” was “The unwavering love and support I show my spouse.” So whenever I step away from that core value, whenever my words and actions do not show unwavering support to my husband, I subconsciously feel guilty and then instantly need to talk to him to restore my feelings of connectedness.
To get you back in step with your core values (without talking about your relationship), the book offers these four “core value inspirations:”
Improve. “If you are feeling bad and you think about what you can do to make it a little better – you do not even have to do it, just think of it – you will start feeling better…Even if improvement is only in your head, it will change your emotional demeanor and that will make negotiations with your partner go much better.
Appreciate. Value your partner. Subsequently, you will value your own life.
Connect. “Genuinely care about your partner’s emotional state.”
Protect. “Help him relieve his dread of failure as a provider, protector, lover and father. Help her to relieve her fear of isolation, deprivation and harm.”
I still have another 100 pages of Part II to read, but I decided to go step-by-step in my review in order to make sure I fully understand each suggestion. I think the first chapter is telling me to start improving my marriage by focusing less on my partner’s mistakes and more on my responses to those mistakes. To steal from Ghandi, “Be the change you want to see in your relationship.” If you are not being true to yourself in your words and actions, choose to improve. Start by appreciating, connecting or protecting – whatever comes first in your circumstance, whatever comes naturally to you.
Once I am finished with this book, I plan to read The Female Brain
Friday, September 4, 2009
Dreams
I was once told that I should not eat sweets prior to going to bed.
I had an Oreo McFlurry pretty late at night recently.
I subsequently had three insane dreams.
First there was the Motorcycle Club that wouldn’t let me in because I had a pet hamster. (But maybe these guys will?)
Then I dreamt there were two Brytins, but he wasn’t necessarily a twin – more like a clone. One would go to school and one would stay home with me.
And finally, there was a real estate business I had looked into that was really a front for Swingers/Sex Slave ring.
In between those crazy dreams, I had a few other random moments: Chris borrowed $1600 to his co-worker Martin for his new motorcycle. Of course, I was livid because Martin had his own $4000 to buy his bike.
And when Lisa Bautista was dropping me off at the real estate/swinger gathering, she asked me “Why are you always trying to ‘improve’ yourself and not for the sake of a higher salary? You’re amazing. Leave it alone.”
I have no idea what any of this means. What I do know, is that I will never again have 82 grams of carbohydrates right before bed.
I had an Oreo McFlurry pretty late at night recently.
I subsequently had three insane dreams.
First there was the Motorcycle Club that wouldn’t let me in because I had a pet hamster. (But maybe these guys will?)
Then I dreamt there were two Brytins, but he wasn’t necessarily a twin – more like a clone. One would go to school and one would stay home with me.
And finally, there was a real estate business I had looked into that was really a front for Swingers/Sex Slave ring.
In between those crazy dreams, I had a few other random moments: Chris borrowed $1600 to his co-worker Martin for his new motorcycle. Of course, I was livid because Martin had his own $4000 to buy his bike.
And when Lisa Bautista was dropping me off at the real estate/swinger gathering, she asked me “Why are you always trying to ‘improve’ yourself and not for the sake of a higher salary? You’re amazing. Leave it alone.”
I have no idea what any of this means. What I do know, is that I will never again have 82 grams of carbohydrates right before bed.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Emma
I got her when she was five days old,
When someone left her out in the cold.
She was so spunky.
Her meow was so funky.
Her attitude was so fractious.
She even sometimes got jealous.
She hated Channing and Mike.
But truly adored anything tuna-like.
Joey, Pumpkin and Brytin haven't said a word,
But Chris and I feel empty and awkward.
So so so soft was her fur.
She constantly required me to pet her.
She used to fat, and then got so thin.
She'll never lick my cheek again.
She is now gone, I am so sad.
At her I will never again get mad.
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