Thanksgiving Tradition

I tried not to tell you, but I just can't help myself. I just have to list for you the groceries I bought for $75.12 this year. (That's only $6.89 more than I spent last year. I think I beat inflation!)

50 lbs of turkey
12 lbs of ham
2.5 lbs chicken legs
2 lbs of bacon
1.5 lbs of tilapia
6 bagels
1 bag mini marshmallows
16 biscuits
28 oz Folgers
1 lb butter
8 oz cream cheese
24 oz sour cream
1/2 gal orange juice
1 can yams
2 cans chicken broth
3 cans peas
3 cans corn
3 cans cranberries
4 lbs sugar
3 pkgs pasta
6 cereal bars
15 lbs potatoes
1 loaf wheat bread

And thanks to WIC, I also got:
1 gal and 1 quart milk
18 oz peanut butter
16 oz sharp cheddar cheese
1 dozen eggs
3.5 lbs yams
3 bunches green onion
2 lbs sweet potatoes
3 bunches celery
2.75 lbs onions
2 lbs green grapes
2 lbs red grapes
1 lb carrots
1 lb tomatoes
1 lb zucchini
2 lbs pears
2 lbs cantaloupe

I love grocery shopping :)

I also had a fabulous time Wednesday and Thursday cooking with my teenager. We made a plateful of dishes!

Clockwise from top: black eyed peas, turkey, stuffing, glazed carrots, green bean casserole, mashed topatoes, collard greens, sweet potato casserole and candied yams.

I am very thankful this year!

The English Language is a Mighty Splendid Thing!

Thanks to Daily Writing Tips for this list of grammar blogs!!

Wordsplosion!

English FAIL

This particular post made me laugh so hard, I spewed coffee on my computer screen!

And the BEST blog EVER!!!! Or should I say, "The 'BEST' blog EVER!!!!"

Some Lessons Learned From My Dad

• People with a different last name can be the greatest family you've ever had.
• Sometimes, you're gonna get shit on. It's ok, you can always take a shower.
• Always be nice at Christmas.
• It's ok to call someone three times in an hour if you really miss them.
• Talk to those you love everyday if you can.
• A stick of butter makes anything taste delicious.
• Buy what you want and figure out how to pay for it later. (Not my favorite lesson.)
• When your kid makes stupid choices, love her anyway.
• Be the best friend you know how to be. And always have time for an old friend.
• Biological family is important - but don't let them treat you poorly.
• Your spouse IS your better half. Love her like there is no tomorrow.
• People need help. Have your truck, trailer or trunk ready. There's usually an ice cold MGD waiting.
• Lighten up. Seriously. Life is meant to be lived.
• Anything can be deep fried.
• Never gamble with scared money. If you are scared to lose it, it's almost guaranteed you will.
• September 2nd is an AWESOME day for a party. (And if your daughter throws a party for 60 of her closest friends while you are away camping, don't kill her.)

Happy Birthday, Dad!
I used the extra big font just for you ;)

*Links provided to prove I really learned the lesson. LOL

Exam Day is normally so nerve-wracking. Today, however, I am at peace. I am excited for my husband. I am anticipating his success!

Technology is NOT to be trusted

I kept IMPECCABLE notes about Daelen in my phone. The most minute details that probably won't matter a year from now, but matter to me at the moment. Any and every little thing. Literally, every time he ate. Every time he did something new. Any time I felt the urge to just record who/what/where he was at that very moment. And it was so easy cuz I always have my phone with me.

The first two months, I was really good about emailing the data to myself periodically, just in case. Then I transferred that info to his baby book, his first year calendar and/or the notebook journal I started for him while pregnant. Because of the carpal tunnel, I had gotten away from the notebook, but now I see I'm going to have to go back to it. Technology is not to be trusted. Pen and paper, that's where it's at.

I've lost all my notes from 15 August to 31 August. I could cry. Do you have any idea how many truly amazing, wonderful, heart-melting things happen with a baby in 15 days?!

But alas, there is a lesson here, and this time, I will learn it. I am a writer (in my own mind). I am not a blogger, a Facebooker or a technology guru. I am a pen and paper writer. And my son WILL be blessed as an adult with all the letters, notes, stories and information I will record for him over the next 18 years.

posted from Bloggeroid

Heart on My Sleeve

I'm an emotional* person. Always have been. Histrionic** is how a psychologist described it once. If you know anything about a Scorpio***, you know what I mean. Extremely emotional - and in a pendulum swing kind of way. I lack the ability to be lukewarm, apathetic and/or neutral. I do not like anything - I either love it or hate it (and I mean capital L-O-V-E love or I'm gonna kick you in the neck, staple Bacon to your face and piss on your dog HATE). If you look up hyperbole in the dictionary, my picture is totally there.

(Un)fortunately, I am the same whether we are talking about inanimate objects, animals or human beings. If I love you, I would seriously kill for you****. Some people don't participate in relationships like I do - family, friend, lover, whatever - if I love you, you are a priority. Always.

I'm extreme. I know. I try to tone it down. I try to let folks breathe. I really don't mean to smother. (I'm sorry if I've ever smothered you.)

All this to say, when I think a person is cool or pretty or smart or righteous or brilliant or fantastic, I REALLY think they are cool or pretty or smart or righteous or brilliant or fantastic. I don't necessarily want to spend every waking minute with them, but I do want to soak up everything they've got. (Not steal it, just dissect it so I can learn more about the human psyche and possibly become a better person myself.) And I have no problem telling you I think you're coolest thing since sliced bread.

The reason I write all of this is to tell you that I get hurt easily. I wear my heart on my sleeve and often times it feels like it should be the stereotypical heart with a dagger through it. So often I feel rejected or abandoned and it crushes me. I pour my heart and soul into people and relationships and so often (it seems) I get shit on.

Fortunately (for you), I have no intention of changing. I will continue to give my everything to the the people I love, people I adore and people I think are just all-around "good eggs." So, consider yourself warned. If you show yourself to be awesome, I just might try to sit at your feet and soak up your awesomeness.

* I think my husband was uber excited today when my emotional outburst literally had nothing to do with him!

** Google, you never cease to amaze me. There is an actual disorder for histrionic people!

*** It is as if someone described a Scorpio woman to me when I was 2, and I said, "Okay, I can be that."

**** Seriously, I'll fucking kill her and take the rap and be totally cool with it, because I love you.

GOOD

Everything is going so good. And given the circumstances, honestly, I'm surprised that I am saying that. It's been so long since I felt this this way. Honestly, I feel like Pollyanna. I'm so giddy with joy and thankful for all the blessings in my life. My hormones must be changing again.+

My mother- and sister-in-law moved in over the summer. Brytin is slam-dunking the second grade. Chris and I are getting along smashingly. And Daelen, well, truly he is THRIVING.

The truth is, a couple weeks ago, Chris and I fought for an entire weekend. And I mean knock-down, drag-out fought. Mean things were said, feelings were hurt, voices were raised, the tires on the truck peeled out of the driveway a time or three. And every time there was some resolve, it started up all over again about a different issue.

But then, Sunday night (LATE Sunday night) we looked at each other and realized neither of us was leaving, all the shouting wasn't getting us anywhere and really, time was just too precious to have wasted a whole weekend fighting.

But as I look back over the last couple weeks, I see how happy our (crowded) home is, I see how in love with me my husband is, I see how NOT irritated I am. Maybe 2.5 days of yelling was exactly what we needed?! I'm not angry anymore, he's putting forth some effort, and I'm not angry anymore!+

Praise the good Lord God Almighty the Broussard home is healthy, happy and a little wiser!

+Did you read the Female Brain like I told you to?!

+Did I mention I was pissed the F*&$ off?! I mean like SERIOUSLY - about EVERYTHING. Here's an example (that doesn't really shed light on how pissed I was, because I didn't want to actually post on the Internet the anger I felt that morning.)

posted from Bloggeroid

TOTALLY Guilty!

I use almost ALL of these words. I use them in my speech, my texts, my writing and my Internet postings. Oops.

5 Slang Words That May Never Be Legit
by Mark Nichol
OK, like, OMG, I’m totally not bagging on you for tweeting or FBing or blogging these words, but they are so bogus in formal writing. LOL

1. Amirite
This trendy favorite of commenters on pop-culture Web sites, meant to suggest a glibly tossed “Am I right?” — I figured that out after initially wondering what the heck uh-mere-uh-tee meant — has about as much chance of making it into the dictionary as fuhgeddaboudit. Save it for the fanboys — you can do better than that.

2. Craptastic/craptacular
These mash-ups of, respectively, crap and fantastic and crap and spectacular first cropped up in snarky online lambasting of overhyped pop-culture phenomena in the 1990s. I chuckled the first couple of times I came across them, but though they are ideal terms for assuming a sarcastic tone, they are best used in moderation and are not, and perhaps will never become, mainstream expressions of derision. Safer alternatives for general publication include absurd, laughable, ludicrous, preposterous, ridiculous, and risible.

3. Genius
Out of seemingly nowhere, online correspondents began to use this as a short form of ingenious, as in “That’s such a genius move.” It has not acquired legitimacy, and in other than jocular usage, you don’t have to be a genius to avoid it.

4. Ginormous
This collision of gigantic and enormous, dating from the 1990s, is a vivid term, but it is superfluous, considering that humongous, which also seemed to appear spontaneously in casual usage when it came on the scene in the 1960s, has already acquired a respectability the newer term as yet lacks.

Plenty of words meaning “extremely large” exist: colossal, gargantuan, gigantic, immense, mammoth, massive, monstrous, prodigious, titanic, and vast, for starters. None of them has the neologistic cachet of ginormous, but the letter is for now only suitable in informal writing.

5. A Slang Word That Isn’t
The adjective cliche, used in place of cliched, as in “That’s so cliche,” was originally on this list, until I looked it up and discovered, to my surprise, that it is a legitimate variant. Its sudden recent vogue lured me into thinking it was being misused in an affected manner much like the adjective genius (see above) is. It’s correct, but you’re welcome to use one of many synonyms, like hackneyed or trite.

Kurt Sutter Understands Me

There is a recent trend in blogging - being blatantly rude, but truthful about everyone. And everything that annoys you. It started for me with Moms Who Drink and Swear and blossomed into a collection of about seven blogs that I follow.

And then the bug hit me. I wanted a part of the action so badly. People bug me too! I never tell people what I REALLY think. And posting how I really feel on the Internet would be so therapeutic! Besides, I could be anonymous, right? Who knows? Maybe under a pseudonym, I'll get the recognition I desire.

And then, I got the recognition I desired, and it wasn't pretty.

For the first time ever, a stranger stumbled upon one of my blogs via Google. And this particular stranger was NOT happy with the particular post he stumbled across. He then proceeded to tell 150 of his closest friends what I had said.

Finally, after writing for 23 years about my thoughts, feelings, and opinions, finally some stranger saw my writing - and told all his friends. And even left comments! Unfortunately, the piece they stumbled upon was not my finest work...I was so heartbroken...

I feel like I got dragged down into this negative place, but I don't want to reside there anymore. This incident with my blog post broke my heart, but it snapped me back into my own reality. I'm not snarky, sassy, hurtful or disrespectful. I try, but I am more naturally kind, compassionate, considerate, sensitive, caring and so much more simultaneously.

And then today I read a recent blog posting from Kurt Sutter, the genius behind Sons of Anarchy. And truly, it sums up exactly where my head was at.

I'm exhausted by my own self-righteousness. Really. I have so many fucking opinions that feel so weighty and so relevant to the future of mankind, that I realized I'm just a fucking delusional downer. I know that sounds extreme and I don't regret anything I've said, but lately I've become very aware that my angry outbursts serve no purpose other than to relieve some small amount of pressure from my obsessive need to be understood. And by understood, I mean loved, worshiped and adored. I'm not a dick. Okay, not all the time. For the most part, I'm a fairly reasonable dude, but when I take a hit off of any fucking injustice pipe, man, I am fucking hooked on a feeling. High on believing, that you're in love with me. Ouga Chaka.

Fathers and Daughters

I don't have the emotional strength to relive the past for you today. But I hope you might take the time to read what I wrote when I had the strength.

Nature vs. Nurture
A Girl Needs Her Daddy
An Old Journal Writing

I don't have the time to write some beautiful prose about how my stepfather has come to be a father that I truly love. But trust me when I tell you, he has. I wish more than anything that he lived next door.


I don't regret any of the bullshit we experienced in the last 32 years, but I am more likely to recall the good stuff - like the mashed potato patties, the steak fondue, the motorcycle rides, and the lighter between his toes.

I love that crazy man, and I am thankful that he stuck around long enough for me to realize it.

Public Apology

My sincerest of apologies to anyone I offended with a post I made last month. I am greatly sorry that my message came across as disrespectful.
As a person who expresses myself through writing, I expect that not everyone will agree with what I post. However, I never ever desire to be hurtful.

As requested, I have removed the post. Again, I am so sorry.

"Unbreakable" by LB

"Unbreakable" by LB

My good friend LB wrote a pretty awesome poem. Check it out!

Another Stolen Quote

This time, I'm stealing a quote from Stacy (who copied it from a book). It brought tears to my eyes and I'd like to read and reread it often - like every time Chris makes me frustrated.

"You, my dear friend, will be a bride for one day, but you will, with God's grace and your very own hard work, be a wife to this man every day for the rest of your life. Being a bride is super-fun, but it pales in comparison to the thrill and beauty of being a part of one of the truly greatest partnerships. Make your love story one worth telling. Make it one worth living, every day, as long as you both shall live."

I love when she writes about marriage.

I Had a Dream

Last night I dreamt that Dae and I were visiting my sister. He said his first sentence "No one knows me here."

The dream was present day, he was a smidge older, but not yet a year. We were sitting outside, him on my lap, maybe by a bonfire. I asked him something, can't remember exactly what, but he responded with words - big words. Lots of them. "No one knows me here," he said, as he looked right into my eyes.

I said "Do you want to leave?" And he said, "Yes."

It's crazy that I dreamt about his first sentence. The fact that my sister was a character in the story complicates matters.

I don't often spend a lot of time thinking about my dreams. There are two from junior high that I remember vividly. There's one from my first marriage I remember. There's a couple I have written about. There are a few more from my pregnancy - my baby having chin-length wavy red hair, my baby getting kidnapped, and hearing my baby laughing during an ultrasound.

I've never dreamt about my sister before, but now I have - TWO nights in a row. I find it hard to believe that doesn't mean SOMETHING. What though?

The meaning of his first sentence, "no one knows me" is laced with multiple possibilities. Is he saying I should allow him to know his aunt? Or just stating a fact? Or is he implying that he doesn't like it that no one put forth effort to know him?

I got the impression that we'd been sitting there a loooong time and he was saying, "Look, we tried. We came. We put ourselves out there and not one person spent a significant amount of time talking to us. These people are not worth our time."

My relationship with my sister is complicated, and yet described so simply - there isn't one. And most likely, both of us are too hurt and jaded to make the first step to change it.

It's unfortunate for our children, because my sister and I have managed to follow in the footsteps of every single member of our family (BOTH sides). A family member pisses us off or hurts our feelings and we write them off, never to speak to them again.

When my sister and I were close, I believed we could break that viscious cycle. I had a dream that we would be lifelong friends...

Big Picture

I cannot see the big picture.

I was watching another episode of House. In this episode, there was a patient who needed a kidney. Her girlfriend happened to be a match. Dr. Cameron, somehow, found out that the sick patient was planning to leave the girlfriend. Dr. Cameron spent most of the episode trying to convince the patient that she shouldn't accept a donation from the girlfriend she was planning to break up with.

Dr. Cameron often has morale issues on the show, but no one else on the team ever seems to care. In this particular episode, House was adamant that Cameron not tell the donor that she's donating a kidney to a partner who doesn't love her. House reasoned that their job is to keep their patient alive. If they didn't get the donation the patient would die. Cameron's argument was that the girlfriend deserved to know the whole truth prior to putting her life on the line.

I spent the episode sided with Cameron (as always). If the donor's motives were selfless, she would do it regardless. If not, then she really shouldn't be donating an organ anyway...

At the end of the episode, Dr. Cameron was sitting with the organ donor. The donor tells Dr. Cameron that she knows her girlfriend was thinking of leaving her. Surprised, Cameron said, "you donated your kidney anyway?" And the donor replies, "Now she'll never leave."

Her response threw me for a whirl. But it also reiterated to me one aspect of the Zen stuff I've been reading over the last year. Part of it says that we shouldn't judge anything as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative, because we can't see the future. We don't know how the whole story will play out, so we have no way of knowing whether a situation will have a positive or negative impact on our lives.

And like often happens, this Buddhist lesson perfectly complements Biblical truth. We cannot judge, because we are not omnipotent. Only God can see from A to Z and for us to prematurely judge something (or someone) good, bad, positive, negative, whatever, could potentially interrupt God's plan.

House's Mentality

I've watched a LOT of House since about my 7th month of pregnancy. In one episode, I actually learned something pretty profound...

In an explanation to his psychologist, House explained that he chose to stay miserable because it seemed 'fair' to him. At some point, he had caused someone pain, and so he had to feel equal pain.

His psychologist said, 'You are not God. Accept the circumstances as they are. Apoligize if you did wrong and then move on."

So...praise the Lord in good times and bad, but most importantly don't try to control something you are not in control of.

Follow-Up to "Know It All"

I stumbled upon this blog I wrote almost 4 years ago. In the blog, I recount some lessons I learned through out my mid twenties. At the end, I ponder what lessons I'll learn over the next 4-6 yrs.

The lessons I listed were quite profound, honestly, and I am thankful that God provided me the opportunities and the open-mind to learn those lessons.

But mostly, as I read those words, I felt like I was reading the words of a stranger! At first I thought it was cuz I hadn't learned anything profound about myself, or because I had stopped trying to learn anything profound about myself. Then I thought maybe it was age that caused the divide between Leslie of 2007 and Leslie of 2011.

And then I finally figured it out - I became a mom :) And not just to Daelen, but to Brytin, too. When we lived on OC, Brytin didn't stay with us but for a few days each month. But Since Feb 22, 2008, my days have been consumed with parent-type thoughts. How can I better handle this? Why is he doing that? How can Chris and I be a better team? What homework does he have this week?

And then I got pregnant and those thoughts quadrupled! I've spent almost a year now focused on all things baby. I read umpteen books learning all about babies and how best to do this that and the other. I contemplated how I would handle various situations. As a family, we discussed all the changes that would take place and how we could embrace them.

And now, as I reread those lessons I learned eons ago, I pray that my sons learn them thru me - earlier than I did.

Halliburton? Really?!

You'll notice on the right side of your screen that I added a new gadget to my blog: Popular Posts.

When I saw this new gadget, I was uber excited to find out just what my readers read! I even briefly contemplated whether I would write more of whatever it was to hopefully make my readers happy...

And then I saw that THIS is my most popular post. What a drag. Hopefully some of the researchers who stumble across my blog stick around to read a little of my emotion, my wit, my politics, my religion, my life...

Alone

Just realized baby can't go into pre-op room...which means Chris can't either. I may be strong, stronger than most of you realize, but I draw my strength from the family God has blessed me with. I do not gather strength by my damn self.

posted from Bloggeroid

Just Another Sunday Part Deux

Yesterday was again, Just Another Sunday.

Maybe next year...

Rambling

I don't write enough. I want to write everything everyday. For my sanity, for historical data, for insight. But alas there has been one thing or another keeping me from writing. First it was Farmville. Then carpal tunnel. And now its the baby attached to me 23 hrs of the day.

Thankfully I have a smartphone that has the Note Everything app that allows me to take notes. And I have the Bloggeroid app that allows me to post notes from Note Everything to my blogs. But I still don't do it often enough.

There is so much running through my mind everyday (kids, politics, religion, marriage, jokes, etc). I wish I could just sit and write it all out. I have been diligent in keeping a five-yr journal. (One or two sentences about each day.) I started it March 29, 2011. It will be interesting, I think, to read it in 2016.

I first saw a five-yr journal many moons ago. I instantly wanted it, but didn't buy it because it was $80. I still haven't bought one because the books on the market now are not as nice as the one I previously passed up...I keep it on my phone. This way I have access to it every night. About once a week, I email the note to myself for safe keeping.

Anyway, that's my lesson/rambling today...I don't write enough.

posted from Bloggeroid

Immobilized

I can't believe I am still immobilized. At least the last two months of my pregnancy I could not do much except lay on couch with feet up watching tv (carpal tunnel and swelling apparently caused by pre-eclampsia). From Monday evening 3/28 to Thursday morning 3/31 I was literally bed-ridden.

And ever since, I have spent most of my time lying down. Not because I'm tired, but because sitting, standing and walking all cause pain in the hematoma. And apparently as the swelling subsides, the pain increases.

But even if I felt outstanding, my son wont sleep without a human body touching him...he falls asleep while nursing. I lie with him 30, 60 or even 90 min. Then the second I try to put him in bassinet or rocking chair, he wakes up. No sound ever makes him stir, but take away his mom or dad and he is instantly awake. Its adorable. Its endearing. Its kind of a pain in the arse whenever I need to eat or go to bathroom or am just really not interested in lying in bed. But the boy really has my best interests in mind because the more I lay around, the quicker I will heal...

posted from Bloggeroid

posted from Bloggeroid

Today is the day I will see your face. Today I will kiss you hold you tell you I love you. Today I will greet you with a smile regardless of the circumstances.

I cannot wait for this carpal tunnel to go away so I can write! Even with a newborn, I will make time for writing. No longer will I be imprisoned!!

High Expectations

Similar to how I have high expectations for Chris as a husband and Brytin as a son, I have higher expectations for myself. And I never allow folks to be less than their potential without at least acknowledging that I know they can be better...I hope I dont make others feel like I make myself feel...

posted from Bloggeroid

Sister

I think of you sometimes.

Yesterday was difficult to not have you near.

I don't expect anything to change between us.

I just think of you sometimes.

posted from Bloggeroid

Commitment

Some of you may not know this, but I have been divorced. I failed in my commitment to my first husband. Not from lack of effort, believe you me, but because I allowed myself to grow weary and tired. I refused to acknowledge the problems my ex-husband and I were having to anyone outside of the relationship and thus the communication between him and I failed - at every turn. There's 1,000 additional layers to that story, but at the bare bones of it all, I gave up.

I was very embarrassed by that fact for a long time - to the point where I had almost begun to forget that I was ever married before November 23, 2007.

However, I now believe that remembering the mistakes I made helps me to better understand the word "commitment."

I remember when my first husband and I were first married, I read an article in Relevant Magazine about "starter marriages" and thought it was the most absurd thing I'd ever read about. People getting married, then divorcing within five years and claiming they learned a lot about marriage, commitment, etc...It seems an oxymoron to learn about commitment through divorce, but I have to acknowledge, it happened in my life.

I swore up and down forever and ever that I would never ever ever get divorced. My parents were divorced and it was ugly and I wanted no part of it. I make no excuse for my choice to sin, please don't misread. Divorce IS ugly and should be avoided at all costs. I NEVER advocate for that choice - especially since I've been through it.

But it IS possible to learn about commitment through divorce.

But more than love it's about commitment. Because it doesn't matter how much you love someone if you're not committed to them.

Come hell or high water.

Love or hate.

Mountain top moments and deep, dark valleys.

Winning the lottery or declaring bankruptcy.

Perfect health or a fatal diagnosis.

Or just year after year after year of living life as two sinful people trying to love Jesus.

It's hard. Really hard. And that's why it's not about how you feel. It's not about your emotions. It's not about getting your needs met. It's about a commitment.

You made a commitment. You said I do, I will, I promise.

That means you change your career if you aren't seeing your spouse enough. You rearrange your life to make it work. You go see a therapist. You become authentic like you didn't know was possible. You ask someone to pray for you and your marriage.

You do whatever. it. takes.

He doesn't love Jesus? So what. You love Jesus with all that you are, follow hard after Him and pray to God that your husband might be won over by the godly behavior of his wife.

When divorce is off the table...when it's not even an option - it will change things. Communication and openness will reach a deeper level.

I read these words written on Valentine's Day by my friend, and they resonated in my soul. I feel them. I live them. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I will never give up on being Christopher Broussard's wife.


If you learned that without having to go through a divorce first, I'm VERY VERY VERY happy for you. But I couldn't, and that's okay too.

Role Model

Apparently, Leslie Broussard is a role model. LOL Check this out!

Ladies, HIDE your daughters!

"Forever" by Sarah Writes

I read this beautiful poem today and wanted to share it with anyone who would read it.

Forever My Friend

Where would Bonnie be without Clyde by her side?

What would have happened to the three amigos if one of them died?

What would be me if I never had you?

The only person I tell everything to.

The person I call on my best and my worst.

Whether I’m crying or laughing I think of you first.

There have been times when I’m stuck in more than a bind

But you have been there to save me from myself every time.

Without judgment, comment, or a condescending gaze.

You have always been there through my every ridicules’ faze.

You’re like a rock, and I’m like the wind.

You’re stronger than me, you have always been.

Your tougher, more stable, and wont me moved by my breeze.

By same unpredictable wind that has pushed everyone else away from me.

Gentle or fierce I can go off both ways, yet your strong foundation never sways.

You are loving, and caring honest and true

And if I’m in a fight I always count on you.

To be by my side, guns drawn left and right

Pointed at the opponents, even if you know there right.

I don’t thank God enough for putting you by my side

My forever best friend, even after I die.

In my world you’re Bonnie, and I guess that makes me Clyde.

:)

She has more awesome poems. Check 'em out!

L-O-V-E LOVE

Love is an emotion that combines compassion, trust, adoration and laughter into great big invisible package I give to someone else.

posted from Bloggeroid

Long Forgotten

I've written so much over the years, I often forget the really important stuff.

"I can only control myself. I cannot change my husband. I can only control my actions and responses. If Chris chooses to be a less than spectacular husband, he will have to live with that. When he is 80 years old, he will bear the burden of regret for the opportunities he chose to ignore. Not me. I can control my choices. I can choose to be an amazing wife every single day. I can joyfully take care of his home, his son, and his finances. If he chooses to be a schmuck, that is his loss. He loses out on the opportunity to be an amazing husband, but that does not change my opportunity to be an amazing wife."

I wrote that about a year ago. It was a part of a series I did - review of the book, "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It." I recommend rereading my series of blogs, and then buying the book and reading that, too!

Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Effective Communication (With links to some other really old blogs!)

LIBERATED!

Remember my word of the year? (Hint: starts with a "G," rhymes with "race." LOL)

Well let me tell you - today, that grace has led to a feeling of liberation!

I set the goal of a book a week, and I had a plan for January (for at least the first three books).

Today, however, I returned two of them to the library. (GASP!) Why? Because I don't WANT to read them!

"Mindful Motherhood" had an amazing introduction that talked all about being a zen-like mommy - calm, cool, collected and present (or mindful). The introduction roped me in.

"When you get more comfortable with the fact that everything is always changing, you begin to pay more attention to riding the waves of life rather than struggling against or trying to control them."

I NEEDED to be that kind of momma for Baby B.

I finished reading "What Mothers Do," on Jan 15 and immediately began "Mindful Motherhood."

Interestingly, mindfulness (aka Zen) book brings much anxiety and negative thought about motherhood compared to "What Mothers Do."

When reading Naomi's book, I felt capable, understood, almost revered for the challenges I am about to face. Mindfulness book, thus far, recounts extremely negative situations and then tells you to accept them as they are. (I.E. a screaming baby in a grocery store, a screaming baby on an airplane, or a screaming baby at home.)

I know that those situations exist, and I know that I will have to face them, but the author just didn't present them in a way that made me believe I could handle them in a calm, cool or collected manner. So I ditched the book halfway through.

The second book I was liberated from in this year of grace, was "No One's the Bitch." Like I said previously, I was initially excited to read it, because I felt like it would help me develop a better attitude about the mother of my stepson and hopefully encourage me to extend an olive branch...

However, throughout the introduction, I kept thinking to myself, "I really don't care." My stepson is well taken care of by his three parents, regardless of the fact that his mommy and stepmom have barely exchanged three sentences in a year and a half. Sure, the situation could be better, but it doesn't have to be, and I am not interested at this stage of my life to put forth any effort to change it. So, I returned the book.

LIBERATED!

A Third-Tri Hormonal Shift

A friend recently posted a great question: "How is Your Marriage?" It was a wonderful post that reminds us all that we need to show concern for others.

But, mostly, it reminded me of how truly amazing my husband is.

I mentioned previously, that my husband and I made the decision to forego depression medicine while I am with child.

I have continued with weekly therapy appointments, just to make sure someone is keeping an unbiased eye on my mental health - for my sake and my baby's. This week, my therapist and I agreed that meeting twice a week is probably going to need to occur for the remainder of this pregnancy.

This pregnancy has not been easy for me. I have enjoyed my pregnancy. It's been a wonderful experience for myself, my husband, my family and friends. But truthfully, it has been physically difficult. I am not used to being hindered in any form, so to be unable to write because my hands hurt, to be unable to sit because my ribs hurt, or to be unable to sit on the floor playing with my stepson because it is WAY to hard to get back up, is just, well, difficult for me emotionally. I have spent (probably WAY too much time and) energy lamenting the difficulties and berating myself for being "less than perfect."

My husband, however, has been such a trooper! He rubs my hands, he makes me lie down, he spends extra time with Brytin so he doesn't feel left out, and he tells me often how beautiful I am :)

And the last couple weeks...well, let me tell you, my husband deserves a medal.

You see, throughout a female's life, there are various hormonal shifts in her body and brain that prepare her for the next step. For example, when a girl is around 14, she begins this journey towards motherhood. Truthfully, it is based on societal circumstances of our cave-dwelling days. We never evolved away from needing a gaggle of women to help us raise our children. So when a girl is 14, she becomes UBER social with the subconscious intent of forming a network to help her when she births her child(ren). Please read the Female Brain. Seriously.

Anyway. I can't prove it either way, but I think that at the beginning of my third trimester, my brain had a hormonal shift towards protecting my connection with my husband AT ALL COSTS. In preparation for the onslaught of changes that will occur once the baby is born, my brain is hell-bent on making sure my marriage goes into that difficult time fully intact. In turn, I've become a little psycho...

I don't mean like Glenn Close boiling a rabbit psycho, I just mean we've been having more "issues" lately than I'd like. Even though I do not think he is wholly innocent in these situations, I can honestly say that my hormones have definitely contributed to my irrational outbursts.

Thankfully, I believe I've finally got a grip on it. Thankfully, my husband is an amazing man. Thankfully, I have friends and family (and a therapist) who are always willing to support us in any way they can.

The Year of Grace

A blogger recently posed the question, "What is my word for 2011?" I think 2011 is the year of grace.

My friend allowed herself to cry over hot dogs. My other friend owned up to her complete and total failure of a "vegan detox."

And me, well, my only goal was a book per week. 11 days into the year, and I'm still on book 1. But I'm totally okay with it. Its a dense book. Ive learned more than I ever expected. I dont want to rush thru it for the sake of some lofty goal. Yes, 2011 is destined to be the year I give myself some grace.

posted from Bloggeroid

Books! Books! Books!

Even though I said "my heart wouldn't be in to it," I set a goal for the first three months of 2011.

I plan to read one book every week until the baby is born.

It's a lofty goal, I know, but I keep hearing that once the baby is born, I will not have time to read, and there are just so very many books I want to read!

Book #1 is called "What Mothers Do" by Naomi Stadlen, and boy is it a doozy!

I have been taking notes with the hope that as soon as the carpal tunnel lets up, I'll clue you all in to what I have learned :)

My second book will be, "Mindful Motherhood." I read the introduction and was already able to share some knowledge with a blogging friend (see comments).

PS: She has been blogging for a month and has 4 times as many followers. What gives?! Is there really no one reading my writing?!

Book #3, I think, will be "No one is the Bitch." It is going to help me learn my "place" as a stepparent, I hope...

And then, I plan to round out January with something light. Maybe I'll buy the 16th Stephanie Plum book :)

A New Year?

The calendar tells me that time has changed. It is no longer 2010, but my mind isn't thinking that way. I really don't care if it is 2010 or 2011. All I know is that every day that passes, I am 24 hours closer to holding a baby in my arms.

Truthfully, 2011 will bring big changes, but not because of my resolve to change myself or my life. And truthfully, 2010 was a huge year for me, but not because of my resolve to make it so.

I could sit here and develop some goals for 2011, but my heart wouldn't be in it. Tomorrow begins my 28th week of pregnancy, and I just don't think that now is the time to focus on getting organized, getting in shape or getting out of debt. Oh, and because I am pregnant, I already quit smoking ;)

So really, this holiday has passed me by, and I am okay with that. 2010 was a great year and 2011 will be even better.