Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Heart on My Sleeve

I'm an emotional* person. Always have been. Histrionic** is how a psychologist described it once. If you know anything about a Scorpio***, you know what I mean. Extremely emotional - and in a pendulum swing kind of way. I lack the ability to be lukewarm, apathetic and/or neutral. I do not like anything - I either love it or hate it (and I mean capital L-O-V-E love or I'm gonna kick you in the neck, staple Bacon to your face and piss on your dog HATE). If you look up hyperbole in the dictionary, my picture is totally there.

(Un)fortunately, I am the same whether we are talking about inanimate objects, animals or human beings. If I love you, I would seriously kill for you****. Some people don't participate in relationships like I do - family, friend, lover, whatever - if I love you, you are a priority. Always.

I'm extreme. I know. I try to tone it down. I try to let folks breathe. I really don't mean to smother. (I'm sorry if I've ever smothered you.)

All this to say, when I think a person is cool or pretty or smart or righteous or brilliant or fantastic, I REALLY think they are cool or pretty or smart or righteous or brilliant or fantastic. I don't necessarily want to spend every waking minute with them, but I do want to soak up everything they've got. (Not steal it, just dissect it so I can learn more about the human psyche and possibly become a better person myself.) And I have no problem telling you I think you're coolest thing since sliced bread.

The reason I write all of this is to tell you that I get hurt easily. I wear my heart on my sleeve and often times it feels like it should be the stereotypical heart with a dagger through it. So often I feel rejected or abandoned and it crushes me. I pour my heart and soul into people and relationships and so often (it seems) I get shit on.

Fortunately (for you), I have no intention of changing. I will continue to give my everything to the the people I love, people I adore and people I think are just all-around "good eggs." So, consider yourself warned. If you show yourself to be awesome, I just might try to sit at your feet and soak up your awesomeness.

* I think my husband was uber excited today when my emotional outburst literally had nothing to do with him!

** Google, you never cease to amaze me. There is an actual disorder for histrionic people!

*** It is as if someone described a Scorpio woman to me when I was 2, and I said, "Okay, I can be that."

**** Seriously, I'll fucking kill her and take the rap and be totally cool with it, because I love you.

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