How America Lost its Mind
I read the whole article. Almost 13,000 words. I read every single one of them. Why? First, because I like to read. Second, because it was interesting. But then the article itself went haywire...
Somewhere in the late middle, in a paragraph right before the 1970s, Kurt Andersen quotes Stephen Colbert, "Reality has a well-known liberal bias," and then proceeds to run with that joke as a fact.
All of a sudden, everyone on the right is evil and crazy and illogical (which isn't entirely untrue), but never again is the left side of evil and crazy and illogical mentioned.
This article could have been FANTASTIC. Andersen clearly laid the foundation for explaining the crazy that is America. But somehow, after working so hard at explaining the academic start to the country's crazy, the article becomes a piece solely for the purpose of extolling the negatives of half of America. Seriously? Only half of America is evil and crazy and illogical? Doesn't it just prove your point, Mr. Andersen, that you have actually lost your mind? And then come to find out you wrote a whole book about it? What a waste of words.
The greatest rejection of relativism is critical thinking (now also being taught by academia). Anyone with any shred of logic capabilities can see that Kurt Andersen misses half of the story.
Showing posts with label life lessons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life lessons. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 9, 2017
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
I am Not Broken Like I Used to Be
I read this book recently about the tales of a crack addict. The tales of well-educated, successful young gent who chose crack over all else for a long time. There was a point in the book when he had copious amounts of crack in his hotel room and he had jugs of vodka and he had a bottle of pills he intended to consume. And when reading this sordid account of a well-educated, successful young gent's untimely demise, I had an epiphany.
I'm not broken like I used to be.
I'm not broken at all, actually.
I used to be, though.
A terrible mess, really.
I'm not broken like I once was.
I'm light and free and punch drunk love.
I still get tweaky and squeaky and scared,
But He calms me and I know I'm spared.
I'm not broken.
I'm repaired.
By the grace of God, I'm not broken like I used to be.
And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my grace comes in the form of Christopher David Broussard. A line from the same book put it all together for me.
I'm not broken like I used to be.
I'm not broken at all, actually.
I used to be, though.
A terrible mess, really.
I'm not broken like I once was.
I'm light and free and punch drunk love.
I still get tweaky and squeaky and scared,
But He calms me and I know I'm spared.
I'm not broken.
I'm repaired.
By the grace of God, I'm not broken like I used to be.
And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my grace comes in the form of Christopher David Broussard. A line from the same book put it all together for me.
“...he loved me…knowing what he knew, seeing what he’d seen,
putting up with what he chose to put up with, he was the only one who ever
could. The question I never asked was why.”
God gave me the gift of Christopher's love, because I needed real-life unconditional love in order to truly understand that I am forgiven. And I guess, I picked up that random crack addict story while perusing the bargain bin, because God wanted me to see that I am not broken like I used to be.
Friday, May 9, 2014
Leslie Broussard Can Tweet @Write_to_Think
I finally finally finally found a handle for Twitter that I absolutely adore.
If you have ever spent any time reading my writing, you know that I write to think. I write to process. I write about insight and enlightenment and conflict, but it all centers on my emotion about an event or idea. And emotion is what drives me.
When I got pregnant and the subsequent carpal tunnel inhibited my ability to write, I was one big mess of emotion. I didn’t have my journaling to corral that emotion into a profitable exercise. I didn’t have my written words to help me figure out what I was doing, thinking, feeling. The written word is my outlet, my avenue, my therapist and my center. I write so that you can learn how to not make the same mistakes. I write so that you can think about something in potentially a new light. I write so that I can learn from my choices.
It has taken me a long time to get back into writing after the carpal tunnel subsided, but I think I am finally at a point where I am excited to write again. And with the introduction of @WritetoThink, I am ecstatic to join the Twitter-sphere.
Big big thanks to EmiAnnie for the continual brainstorming for the most perfect name.
Friday, April 11, 2014
Inside vs. Outside
I recently read a very timely blog posting about "These Hard Economic Times."
I was actually scheduled to visit the dentist for the first time in
many moons, and there was a sentence in said blog posting that opened my
eyes.
And what about the bigger picture? Not just our teeth, but our lives?
Americans spend 500 million dollars a year to have their
teeth whitened -- not cleaned, just whitened to look nice.
500 million dollars a year on WHITENING?!! How many teeth are
rotting inside and gleaming on the outside?!
Like many Americans, I haven't been diligent with maintenance - on my teeth, my skin, my car.
Our disposable economy has paved a very nasty road that allows simple
maintenance to be overlooked and replacement to happen whenever
something shows signs of wear. But yet, we try to keep up an APPEARANCE
of new.
Watching Rehab Addict with Nicole Curtis
has reminded me of the value in maintaining and restoring rather than
replacing. If each of us could think to spend the money on a little
prevention, we could improve our culture, society, environment and even
our bank accounts.
And what about the bigger picture? Not just our teeth, but our lives?
Money – how many are living the
high life, but drowning in debt? Faith – how many souls are gleaming on the
outside and rotting on the inside? Parenting, Working, Relationships -- all have very real implications when you think of the truth inside versus what we display outside.
#ForYourConsideration #MusingsofaBroussard #InsideversusOutside #Ruminating #LesliesLeftBrain
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Snap Out of It, America!
Learn How to C-O-P-E!
I rarely look at Drudge anymore. It’s too depressing. Similar to WND, it always makes me feel like America is going to hell in a hand basket – quickly.
Unfortunately, I indeed checked out Drudge recently, and it brought me to a sobering headline (pun intended):
“70 million Americans Take Mind-Altering Drugs”
Wait. What? 70 MILLION?! New York has about 10 million people – 7 times the population of New York City is under the influence of something?!! What?!
So I click on it. It takes me to WND. Of course. The two websites I try to avoid, because they get me very riled up. And guess what? I’m VERY riled up.
The statistics are STAGGERING. Here is a rundown:
22 million Americans use illegal (aka "recreational") drugs.
Approximately every 19 minutes someone dies from an overdose.
58 million Americans have an alcohol issue. (Which I interpret to mean they choose to have more than one drink per day, every day.)
In addition to the obvious problems I have already listed, 50 MILLION people are using legal, mind-altering drugs - 50 MILLION Americans are PRESCRIBED psychedelic drugs (think Vicodin, Percocet, Oxycontin, Morphine, etc).
Total that up, and 130 million people are in a state of altered-reality.
I have not double-checked the statistics this guy is throwing out. I have no reason to doubt their validity. But just for argument’s sake, let’s say his error rate is +/- 5% - heck I’ll even decrease the numbers 10 percent. That still leaves just under 120 million in a state of altered-reality.
The “Northeast Megalopolis-” Boston to DC is only 50 million people.
To understand 120 million people, you need to comprehend adding the entire population of the five most highly populated states – CA, TX, NY, FL and Illinois. Adding the ENTIRE population of those five states totals approximately 121 million. (Good for you, one million sober people!)
If the original statistic of 130 million is in fact correct, you have to add in the sixth state, Pennsylvania.
The numbers of Americans on some sort of mind-altering substance is OVER 100 MILLION. At least 100 million of us cannot handle life enough to take it straight.
That is a very sad state of affairs in the United States of America. I understand there are benefits that people receive from their prescribed stupor, but it also alters your mind. It puts you in a situation where you are incapable of dealing with reality.
Straight up reality.
Sober reality.
It is so sad to see that over 100 million Americans are willing to take the risk of dying of an overdose or dying in a car accident or even killing in a car accident - just to avoid their reality.
Even if the numbers are off. Even if the numbers grossly overstated - isn't even a million people too many to be continually high?!
If we want to make this country a better place, we need to start with teaching COPING skills.
As for me, I'm sticking to NPR.
MommaBear is ANGRY!
Unfortunately, I indeed checked out Drudge recently, and it brought me to a sobering headline (pun intended):
“70 million Americans Take Mind-Altering Drugs”
Wait. What? 70 MILLION?! New York has about 10 million people – 7 times the population of New York City is under the influence of something?!! What?!
So I click on it. It takes me to WND. Of course. The two websites I try to avoid, because they get me very riled up. And guess what? I’m VERY riled up.
The statistics are STAGGERING. Here is a rundown:
22 million Americans use illegal (aka "recreational") drugs.
Approximately every 19 minutes someone dies from an overdose.
58 million Americans have an alcohol issue. (Which I interpret to mean they choose to have more than one drink per day, every day.)
In addition to the obvious problems I have already listed, 50 MILLION people are using legal, mind-altering drugs - 50 MILLION Americans are PRESCRIBED psychedelic drugs (think Vicodin, Percocet, Oxycontin, Morphine, etc).
Total that up, and 130 million people are in a state of altered-reality.
I have not double-checked the statistics this guy is throwing out. I have no reason to doubt their validity. But just for argument’s sake, let’s say his error rate is +/- 5% - heck I’ll even decrease the numbers 10 percent. That still leaves just under 120 million in a state of altered-reality.
The “Northeast Megalopolis-” Boston to DC is only 50 million people.
To understand 120 million people, you need to comprehend adding the entire population of the five most highly populated states – CA, TX, NY, FL and Illinois. Adding the ENTIRE population of those five states totals approximately 121 million. (Good for you, one million sober people!)
If the original statistic of 130 million is in fact correct, you have to add in the sixth state, Pennsylvania.
The numbers of Americans on some sort of mind-altering substance is OVER 100 MILLION. At least 100 million of us cannot handle life enough to take it straight.
That is a very sad state of affairs in the United States of America. I understand there are benefits that people receive from their prescribed stupor, but it also alters your mind. It puts you in a situation where you are incapable of dealing with reality.
Straight up reality.
Sober reality.
It is so sad to see that over 100 million Americans are willing to take the risk of dying of an overdose or dying in a car accident or even killing in a car accident - just to avoid their reality.
Even if the numbers are off. Even if the numbers grossly overstated - isn't even a million people too many to be continually high?!
If we want to make this country a better place, we need to start with teaching COPING skills.
As for me, I'm sticking to NPR.
MommaBear is ANGRY!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Technology is NOT to be trusted
I kept IMPECCABLE notes about Daelen in my phone. The most minute details that probably won't matter a year from now, but matter to me at the moment. Any and every little thing. Literally, every time he ate. Every time he did something new. Any time I felt the urge to just record who/what/where he was at that very moment. And it was so easy cuz I always have my phone with me.
The first two months, I was really good about emailing the data to myself periodically, just in case. Then I transferred that info to his baby book, his first year calendar and/or the notebook journal I started for him while pregnant. Because of the carpal tunnel, I had gotten away from the notebook, but now I see I'm going to have to go back to it. Technology is not to be trusted. Pen and paper, that's where it's at.
I've lost all my notes from 15 August to 31 August. I could cry. Do you have any idea how many truly amazing, wonderful, heart-melting things happen with a baby in 15 days?!
But alas, there is a lesson here, and this time, I will learn it. I am a writer (in my own mind). I am not a blogger, a Facebooker or a technology guru. I am a pen and paper writer. And my son WILL be blessed as an adult with all the letters, notes, stories and information I will record for him over the next 18 years.
The first two months, I was really good about emailing the data to myself periodically, just in case. Then I transferred that info to his baby book, his first year calendar and/or the notebook journal I started for him while pregnant. Because of the carpal tunnel, I had gotten away from the notebook, but now I see I'm going to have to go back to it. Technology is not to be trusted. Pen and paper, that's where it's at.
I've lost all my notes from 15 August to 31 August. I could cry. Do you have any idea how many truly amazing, wonderful, heart-melting things happen with a baby in 15 days?!
But alas, there is a lesson here, and this time, I will learn it. I am a writer (in my own mind). I am not a blogger, a Facebooker or a technology guru. I am a pen and paper writer. And my son WILL be blessed as an adult with all the letters, notes, stories and information I will record for him over the next 18 years.
posted from Bloggeroid
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Heart on My Sleeve
I'm an emotional* person. Always have been. Histrionic** is how a psychologist described it once. If you know anything about a Scorpio***, you know what I mean. Extremely emotional - and in a pendulum swing kind of way. I lack the ability to be lukewarm, apathetic and/or neutral. I do not like anything - I either love it or hate it (and I mean capital L-O-V-E love or I'm gonna kick you in the neck, staple Bacon to your face and piss on your dog HATE). If you look up hyperbole in the dictionary, my picture is totally there.
(Un)fortunately, I am the same whether we are talking about inanimate objects, animals or human beings. If I love you, I would seriously kill for you****. Some people don't participate in relationships like I do - family, friend, lover, whatever - if I love you, you are a priority. Always.
I'm extreme. I know. I try to tone it down. I try to let folks breathe. I really don't mean to smother. (I'm sorry if I've ever smothered you.)
All this to say, when I think a person is cool or pretty or smart or righteous or brilliant or fantastic, I REALLY think they are cool or pretty or smart or righteous or brilliant or fantastic. I don't necessarily want to spend every waking minute with them, but I do want to soak up everything they've got. (Not steal it, just dissect it so I can learn more about the human psyche and possibly become a better person myself.) And I have no problem telling you I think you're coolest thing since sliced bread.
The reason I write all of this is to tell you that I get hurt easily. I wear my heart on my sleeve and often times it feels like it should be the stereotypical heart with a dagger through it. So often I feel rejected or abandoned and it crushes me. I pour my heart and soul into people and relationships and so often (it seems) I get shit on.
Fortunately (for you), I have no intention of changing. I will continue to give my everything to the the people I love, people I adore and people I think are just all-around "good eggs." So, consider yourself warned. If you show yourself to be awesome, I just might try to sit at your feet and soak up your awesomeness.
* I think my husband was uber excited today when my emotional outburst literally had nothing to do with him!
** Google, you never cease to amaze me. There is an actual disorder for histrionic people!
*** It is as if someone described a Scorpio woman to me when I was 2, and I said, "Okay, I can be that."
**** Seriously, I'll fucking kill her and take the rap and be totally cool with it, because I love you.
(Un)fortunately, I am the same whether we are talking about inanimate objects, animals or human beings. If I love you, I would seriously kill for you****. Some people don't participate in relationships like I do - family, friend, lover, whatever - if I love you, you are a priority. Always.
I'm extreme. I know. I try to tone it down. I try to let folks breathe. I really don't mean to smother. (I'm sorry if I've ever smothered you.)
All this to say, when I think a person is cool or pretty or smart or righteous or brilliant or fantastic, I REALLY think they are cool or pretty or smart or righteous or brilliant or fantastic. I don't necessarily want to spend every waking minute with them, but I do want to soak up everything they've got. (Not steal it, just dissect it so I can learn more about the human psyche and possibly become a better person myself.) And I have no problem telling you I think you're coolest thing since sliced bread.
The reason I write all of this is to tell you that I get hurt easily. I wear my heart on my sleeve and often times it feels like it should be the stereotypical heart with a dagger through it. So often I feel rejected or abandoned and it crushes me. I pour my heart and soul into people and relationships and so often (it seems) I get shit on.
Fortunately (for you), I have no intention of changing. I will continue to give my everything to the the people I love, people I adore and people I think are just all-around "good eggs." So, consider yourself warned. If you show yourself to be awesome, I just might try to sit at your feet and soak up your awesomeness.
* I think my husband was uber excited today when my emotional outburst literally had nothing to do with him!
** Google, you never cease to amaze me. There is an actual disorder for histrionic people!
*** It is as if someone described a Scorpio woman to me when I was 2, and I said, "Okay, I can be that."
**** Seriously, I'll fucking kill her and take the rap and be totally cool with it, because I love you.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
GOOD
Everything is going so good. And given the circumstances, honestly, I'm surprised that I am saying that. It's been so long since I felt this this way. Honestly, I feel like Pollyanna. I'm so giddy with joy and thankful for all the blessings in my life. My hormones must be changing again.+
My mother- and sister-in-law moved in over the summer. Brytin is slam-dunking the second grade. Chris and I are getting along smashingly. And Daelen, well, truly he is THRIVING.
The truth is, a couple weeks ago, Chris and I fought for an entire weekend. And I mean knock-down, drag-out fought. Mean things were said, feelings were hurt, voices were raised, the tires on the truck peeled out of the driveway a time or three. And every time there was some resolve, it started up all over again about a different issue.
But then, Sunday night (LATE Sunday night) we looked at each other and realized neither of us was leaving, all the shouting wasn't getting us anywhere and really, time was just too precious to have wasted a whole weekend fighting.
But as I look back over the last couple weeks, I see how happy our (crowded) home is, I see how in love with me my husband is, I see how NOT irritated I am. Maybe 2.5 days of yelling was exactly what we needed?! I'm not angry anymore, he's putting forth some effort, and I'm not angry anymore!+
Praise the good Lord God Almighty the Broussard home is healthy, happy and a little wiser!
+Did you read the Female Brain like I told you to?!
+Did I mention I was pissed the F*&$ off?! I mean like SERIOUSLY - about EVERYTHING. Here's an example (that doesn't really shed light on how pissed I was, because I didn't want to actually post on the Internet the anger I felt that morning.)
My mother- and sister-in-law moved in over the summer. Brytin is slam-dunking the second grade. Chris and I are getting along smashingly. And Daelen, well, truly he is THRIVING.
The truth is, a couple weeks ago, Chris and I fought for an entire weekend. And I mean knock-down, drag-out fought. Mean things were said, feelings were hurt, voices were raised, the tires on the truck peeled out of the driveway a time or three. And every time there was some resolve, it started up all over again about a different issue.
But then, Sunday night (LATE Sunday night) we looked at each other and realized neither of us was leaving, all the shouting wasn't getting us anywhere and really, time was just too precious to have wasted a whole weekend fighting.
But as I look back over the last couple weeks, I see how happy our (crowded) home is, I see how in love with me my husband is, I see how NOT irritated I am. Maybe 2.5 days of yelling was exactly what we needed?! I'm not angry anymore, he's putting forth some effort, and I'm not angry anymore!+
Praise the good Lord God Almighty the Broussard home is healthy, happy and a little wiser!
+Did you read the Female Brain like I told you to?!
+Did I mention I was pissed the F*&$ off?! I mean like SERIOUSLY - about EVERYTHING. Here's an example (that doesn't really shed light on how pissed I was, because I didn't want to actually post on the Internet the anger I felt that morning.)
posted from Bloggeroid
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Kurt Sutter Understands Me
There is a recent trend in blogging - being blatantly rude, but truthful about everyone. And everything that annoys you. It started for me with Moms Who Drink and Swear and blossomed into a collection of about seven blogs that I follow.
And then the bug hit me. I wanted a part of the action so badly. People bug me too! I never tell people what I REALLY think. And posting how I really feel on the Internet would be so therapeutic! Besides, I could be anonymous, right? Who knows? Maybe under a pseudonym, I'll get the recognition I desire.
And then, I got the recognition I desired, and it wasn't pretty.
For the first time ever, a stranger stumbled upon one of my blogs via Google. And this particular stranger was NOT happy with the particular post he stumbled across. He then proceeded to tell 150 of his closest friends what I had said.
Finally, after writing for 23 years about my thoughts, feelings, and opinions, finally some stranger saw my writing - and told all his friends. And even left comments! Unfortunately, the piece they stumbled upon was not my finest work...I was so heartbroken...
I feel like I got dragged down into this negative place, but I don't want to reside there anymore. This incident with my blog post broke my heart, but it snapped me back into my own reality. I'm not snarky, sassy, hurtful or disrespectful. I try, but I am more naturally kind, compassionate, considerate, sensitive, caring and so much more simultaneously.
And then today I read a recent blog posting from Kurt Sutter, the genius behind Sons of Anarchy. And truly, it sums up exactly where my head was at.
And then the bug hit me. I wanted a part of the action so badly. People bug me too! I never tell people what I REALLY think. And posting how I really feel on the Internet would be so therapeutic! Besides, I could be anonymous, right? Who knows? Maybe under a pseudonym, I'll get the recognition I desire.
And then, I got the recognition I desired, and it wasn't pretty.
For the first time ever, a stranger stumbled upon one of my blogs via Google. And this particular stranger was NOT happy with the particular post he stumbled across. He then proceeded to tell 150 of his closest friends what I had said.
Finally, after writing for 23 years about my thoughts, feelings, and opinions, finally some stranger saw my writing - and told all his friends. And even left comments! Unfortunately, the piece they stumbled upon was not my finest work...I was so heartbroken...
I feel like I got dragged down into this negative place, but I don't want to reside there anymore. This incident with my blog post broke my heart, but it snapped me back into my own reality. I'm not snarky, sassy, hurtful or disrespectful. I try, but I am more naturally kind, compassionate, considerate, sensitive, caring and so much more simultaneously.
And then today I read a recent blog posting from Kurt Sutter, the genius behind Sons of Anarchy. And truly, it sums up exactly where my head was at.
I'm exhausted by my own self-righteousness. Really. I have so many fucking opinions that feel so weighty and so relevant to the future of mankind, that I realized I'm just a fucking delusional downer. I know that sounds extreme and I don't regret anything I've said, but lately I've become very aware that my angry outbursts serve no purpose other than to relieve some small amount of pressure from my obsessive need to be understood. And by understood, I mean loved, worshiped and adored. I'm not a dick. Okay, not all the time. For the most part, I'm a fairly reasonable dude, but when I take a hit off of any fucking injustice pipe, man, I am fucking hooked on a feeling. High on believing, that you're in love with me. Ouga Chaka.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Public Apology
My sincerest of apologies to anyone I offended with a post I made last month. I am greatly sorry that my message came across as disrespectful.
As a person who expresses myself through writing, I expect that not everyone will agree with what I post. However, I never ever desire to be hurtful.
As requested, I have removed the post. Again, I am so sorry.
As a person who expresses myself through writing, I expect that not everyone will agree with what I post. However, I never ever desire to be hurtful.
As requested, I have removed the post. Again, I am so sorry.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Big Picture
I cannot see the big picture.
I was watching another episode of House. In this episode, there was a patient who needed a kidney. Her girlfriend happened to be a match. Dr. Cameron, somehow, found out that the sick patient was planning to leave the girlfriend. Dr. Cameron spent most of the episode trying to convince the patient that she shouldn't accept a donation from the girlfriend she was planning to break up with.
Dr. Cameron often has morale issues on the show, but no one else on the team ever seems to care. In this particular episode, House was adamant that Cameron not tell the donor that she's donating a kidney to a partner who doesn't love her. House reasoned that their job is to keep their patient alive. If they didn't get the donation the patient would die. Cameron's argument was that the girlfriend deserved to know the whole truth prior to putting her life on the line.
I spent the episode sided with Cameron (as always). If the donor's motives were selfless, she would do it regardless. If not, then she really shouldn't be donating an organ anyway...
At the end of the episode, Dr. Cameron was sitting with the organ donor. The donor tells Dr. Cameron that she knows her girlfriend was thinking of leaving her. Surprised, Cameron said, "you donated your kidney anyway?" And the donor replies, "Now she'll never leave."
Her response threw me for a whirl. But it also reiterated to me one aspect of the Zen stuff I've been reading over the last year. Part of it says that we shouldn't judge anything as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative, because we can't see the future. We don't know how the whole story will play out, so we have no way of knowing whether a situation will have a positive or negative impact on our lives.
And like often happens, this Buddhist lesson perfectly complements Biblical truth. We cannot judge, because we are not omnipotent. Only God can see from A to Z and for us to prematurely judge something (or someone) good, bad, positive, negative, whatever, could potentially interrupt God's plan.
I was watching another episode of House. In this episode, there was a patient who needed a kidney. Her girlfriend happened to be a match. Dr. Cameron, somehow, found out that the sick patient was planning to leave the girlfriend. Dr. Cameron spent most of the episode trying to convince the patient that she shouldn't accept a donation from the girlfriend she was planning to break up with.
Dr. Cameron often has morale issues on the show, but no one else on the team ever seems to care. In this particular episode, House was adamant that Cameron not tell the donor that she's donating a kidney to a partner who doesn't love her. House reasoned that their job is to keep their patient alive. If they didn't get the donation the patient would die. Cameron's argument was that the girlfriend deserved to know the whole truth prior to putting her life on the line.
I spent the episode sided with Cameron (as always). If the donor's motives were selfless, she would do it regardless. If not, then she really shouldn't be donating an organ anyway...
At the end of the episode, Dr. Cameron was sitting with the organ donor. The donor tells Dr. Cameron that she knows her girlfriend was thinking of leaving her. Surprised, Cameron said, "you donated your kidney anyway?" And the donor replies, "Now she'll never leave."
Her response threw me for a whirl. But it also reiterated to me one aspect of the Zen stuff I've been reading over the last year. Part of it says that we shouldn't judge anything as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative, because we can't see the future. We don't know how the whole story will play out, so we have no way of knowing whether a situation will have a positive or negative impact on our lives.
And like often happens, this Buddhist lesson perfectly complements Biblical truth. We cannot judge, because we are not omnipotent. Only God can see from A to Z and for us to prematurely judge something (or someone) good, bad, positive, negative, whatever, could potentially interrupt God's plan.
Monday, May 16, 2011
House's Mentality
I've watched a LOT of House since about my 7th month of pregnancy. In one episode, I actually learned something pretty profound...
In an explanation to his psychologist, House explained that he chose to stay miserable because it seemed 'fair' to him. At some point, he had caused someone pain, and so he had to feel equal pain.
His psychologist said, 'You are not God. Accept the circumstances as they are. Apoligize if you did wrong and then move on."
So...praise the Lord in good times and bad, but most importantly don't try to control something you are not in control of.
In an explanation to his psychologist, House explained that he chose to stay miserable because it seemed 'fair' to him. At some point, he had caused someone pain, and so he had to feel equal pain.
His psychologist said, 'You are not God. Accept the circumstances as they are. Apoligize if you did wrong and then move on."
So...praise the Lord in good times and bad, but most importantly don't try to control something you are not in control of.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Follow-Up to "Know It All"
I stumbled upon this blog I wrote almost 4 years ago. In the blog, I recount some lessons I learned through out my mid twenties. At the end, I ponder what lessons I'll learn over the next 4-6 yrs.
The lessons I listed were quite profound, honestly, and I am thankful that God provided me the opportunities and the open-mind to learn those lessons.
But mostly, as I read those words, I felt like I was reading the words of a stranger! At first I thought it was cuz I hadn't learned anything profound about myself, or because I had stopped trying to learn anything profound about myself. Then I thought maybe it was age that caused the divide between Leslie of 2007 and Leslie of 2011.
And then I finally figured it out - I became a mom :) And not just to Daelen, but to Brytin, too. When we lived on OC, Brytin didn't stay with us but for a few days each month. But Since Feb 22, 2008, my days have been consumed with parent-type thoughts. How can I better handle this? Why is he doing that? How can Chris and I be a better team? What homework does he have this week?
And then I got pregnant and those thoughts quadrupled! I've spent almost a year now focused on all things baby. I read umpteen books learning all about babies and how best to do this that and the other. I contemplated how I would handle various situations. As a family, we discussed all the changes that would take place and how we could embrace them.
And now, as I reread those lessons I learned eons ago, I pray that my sons learn them thru me - earlier than I did.
The lessons I listed were quite profound, honestly, and I am thankful that God provided me the opportunities and the open-mind to learn those lessons.
But mostly, as I read those words, I felt like I was reading the words of a stranger! At first I thought it was cuz I hadn't learned anything profound about myself, or because I had stopped trying to learn anything profound about myself. Then I thought maybe it was age that caused the divide between Leslie of 2007 and Leslie of 2011.
And then I finally figured it out - I became a mom :) And not just to Daelen, but to Brytin, too. When we lived on OC, Brytin didn't stay with us but for a few days each month. But Since Feb 22, 2008, my days have been consumed with parent-type thoughts. How can I better handle this? Why is he doing that? How can Chris and I be a better team? What homework does he have this week?
And then I got pregnant and those thoughts quadrupled! I've spent almost a year now focused on all things baby. I read umpteen books learning all about babies and how best to do this that and the other. I contemplated how I would handle various situations. As a family, we discussed all the changes that would take place and how we could embrace them.
And now, as I reread those lessons I learned eons ago, I pray that my sons learn them thru me - earlier than I did.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Commitment
Some of you may not know this, but I have been divorced. I failed in my commitment to my first husband. Not from lack of effort, believe you me, but because I allowed myself to grow weary and tired. I refused to acknowledge the problems my ex-husband and I were having to anyone outside of the relationship and thus the communication between him and I failed - at every turn. There's 1,000 additional layers to that story, but at the bare bones of it all, I gave up.
I was very embarrassed by that fact for a long time - to the point where I had almost begun to forget that I was ever married before November 23, 2007.
However, I now believe that remembering the mistakes I made helps me to better understand the word "commitment."
I remember when my first husband and I were first married, I read an article in Relevant Magazine about "starter marriages" and thought it was the most absurd thing I'd ever read about. People getting married, then divorcing within five years and claiming they learned a lot about marriage, commitment, etc...It seems an oxymoron to learn about commitment through divorce, but I have to acknowledge, it happened in my life.
I swore up and down forever and ever that I would never ever ever get divorced. My parents were divorced and it was ugly and I wanted no part of it. I make no excuse for my choice to sin, please don't misread. Divorce IS ugly and should be avoided at all costs. I NEVER advocate for that choice - especially since I've been through it.
But it IS possible to learn about commitment through divorce.
But more than love it's about commitment. Because it doesn't matter how much you love someone if you're not committed to them.
Come hell or high water.
Love or hate.
Mountain top moments and deep, dark valleys.
Winning the lottery or declaring bankruptcy.
Perfect health or a fatal diagnosis.
Or just year after year after year of living life as two sinful people trying to love Jesus.
It's hard. Really hard. And that's why it's not about how you feel. It's not about your emotions. It's not about getting your needs met. It's about a commitment.
You made a commitment. You said I do, I will, I promise.
That means you change your career if you aren't seeing your spouse enough. You rearrange your life to make it work. You go see a therapist. You become authentic like you didn't know was possible. You ask someone to pray for you and your marriage.
You do whatever. it. takes.
He doesn't love Jesus? So what. You love Jesus with all that you are, follow hard after Him and pray to God that your husband might be won over by the godly behavior of his wife.
When divorce is off the table...when it's not even an option - it will change things. Communication and openness will reach a deeper level.
I read these words written on Valentine's Day by my friend, and they resonated in my soul. I feel them. I live them. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I will never give up on being Christopher Broussard's wife.
If you learned that without having to go through a divorce first, I'm VERY VERY VERY happy for you. But I couldn't, and that's okay too.
I was very embarrassed by that fact for a long time - to the point where I had almost begun to forget that I was ever married before November 23, 2007.
However, I now believe that remembering the mistakes I made helps me to better understand the word "commitment."
I remember when my first husband and I were first married, I read an article in Relevant Magazine about "starter marriages" and thought it was the most absurd thing I'd ever read about. People getting married, then divorcing within five years and claiming they learned a lot about marriage, commitment, etc...It seems an oxymoron to learn about commitment through divorce, but I have to acknowledge, it happened in my life.
I swore up and down forever and ever that I would never ever ever get divorced. My parents were divorced and it was ugly and I wanted no part of it. I make no excuse for my choice to sin, please don't misread. Divorce IS ugly and should be avoided at all costs. I NEVER advocate for that choice - especially since I've been through it.
But it IS possible to learn about commitment through divorce.
But more than love it's about commitment. Because it doesn't matter how much you love someone if you're not committed to them.
Come hell or high water.
Love or hate.
Mountain top moments and deep, dark valleys.
Winning the lottery or declaring bankruptcy.
Perfect health or a fatal diagnosis.
Or just year after year after year of living life as two sinful people trying to love Jesus.
It's hard. Really hard. And that's why it's not about how you feel. It's not about your emotions. It's not about getting your needs met. It's about a commitment.
You made a commitment. You said I do, I will, I promise.
That means you change your career if you aren't seeing your spouse enough. You rearrange your life to make it work. You go see a therapist. You become authentic like you didn't know was possible. You ask someone to pray for you and your marriage.
You do whatever. it. takes.
He doesn't love Jesus? So what. You love Jesus with all that you are, follow hard after Him and pray to God that your husband might be won over by the godly behavior of his wife.
When divorce is off the table...when it's not even an option - it will change things. Communication and openness will reach a deeper level.
I read these words written on Valentine's Day by my friend, and they resonated in my soul. I feel them. I live them. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I will never give up on being Christopher Broussard's wife.
If you learned that without having to go through a divorce first, I'm VERY VERY VERY happy for you. But I couldn't, and that's okay too.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Long Forgotten
I've written so much over the years, I often forget the really important stuff.
"I can only control myself. I cannot change my husband. I can only control my actions and responses. If Chris chooses to be a less than spectacular husband, he will have to live with that. When he is 80 years old, he will bear the burden of regret for the opportunities he chose to ignore. Not me. I can control my choices. I can choose to be an amazing wife every single day. I can joyfully take care of his home, his son, and his finances. If he chooses to be a schmuck, that is his loss. He loses out on the opportunity to be an amazing husband, but that does not change my opportunity to be an amazing wife."
I wrote that about a year ago. It was a part of a series I did - review of the book, "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It." I recommend rereading my series of blogs, and then buying the book and reading that, too!
Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Effective Communication (With links to some other really old blogs!)
"I can only control myself. I cannot change my husband. I can only control my actions and responses. If Chris chooses to be a less than spectacular husband, he will have to live with that. When he is 80 years old, he will bear the burden of regret for the opportunities he chose to ignore. Not me. I can control my choices. I can choose to be an amazing wife every single day. I can joyfully take care of his home, his son, and his finances. If he chooses to be a schmuck, that is his loss. He loses out on the opportunity to be an amazing husband, but that does not change my opportunity to be an amazing wife."
I wrote that about a year ago. It was a part of a series I did - review of the book, "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It." I recommend rereading my series of blogs, and then buying the book and reading that, too!
Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Effective Communication (With links to some other really old blogs!)
Thursday, January 13, 2011
A Third-Tri Hormonal Shift
A friend recently posted a great question: "How is Your Marriage?" It was a wonderful post that reminds us all that we need to show concern for others.
But, mostly, it reminded me of how truly amazing my husband is.
I mentioned previously, that my husband and I made the decision to forego depression medicine while I am with child.
I have continued with weekly therapy appointments, just to make sure someone is keeping an unbiased eye on my mental health - for my sake and my baby's. This week, my therapist and I agreed that meeting twice a week is probably going to need to occur for the remainder of this pregnancy.
This pregnancy has not been easy for me. I have enjoyed my pregnancy. It's been a wonderful experience for myself, my husband, my family and friends. But truthfully, it has been physically difficult. I am not used to being hindered in any form, so to be unable to write because my hands hurt, to be unable to sit because my ribs hurt, or to be unable to sit on the floor playing with my stepson because it is WAY to hard to get back up, is just, well, difficult for me emotionally. I have spent (probably WAY too much time and) energy lamenting the difficulties and berating myself for being "less than perfect."
My husband, however, has been such a trooper! He rubs my hands, he makes me lie down, he spends extra time with Brytin so he doesn't feel left out, and he tells me often how beautiful I am :)
And the last couple weeks...well, let me tell you, my husband deserves a medal.
You see, throughout a female's life, there are various hormonal shifts in her body and brain that prepare her for the next step. For example, when a girl is around 14, she begins this journey towards motherhood. Truthfully, it is based on societal circumstances of our cave-dwelling days. We never evolved away from needing a gaggle of women to help us raise our children. So when a girl is 14, she becomes UBER social with the subconscious intent of forming a network to help her when she births her child(ren). Please read the Female Brain. Seriously.
Anyway. I can't prove it either way, but I think that at the beginning of my third trimester, my brain had a hormonal shift towards protecting my connection with my husband AT ALL COSTS. In preparation for the onslaught of changes that will occur once the baby is born, my brain is hell-bent on making sure my marriage goes into that difficult time fully intact. In turn, I've become a little psycho...
I don't mean like Glenn Close boiling a rabbit psycho, I just mean we've been having more "issues" lately than I'd like. Even though I do not think he is wholly innocent in these situations, I can honestly say that my hormones have definitely contributed to my irrational outbursts.
Thankfully, I believe I've finally got a grip on it. Thankfully, my husband is an amazing man. Thankfully, I have friends and family (and a therapist) who are always willing to support us in any way they can.
But, mostly, it reminded me of how truly amazing my husband is.
I mentioned previously, that my husband and I made the decision to forego depression medicine while I am with child.
I have continued with weekly therapy appointments, just to make sure someone is keeping an unbiased eye on my mental health - for my sake and my baby's. This week, my therapist and I agreed that meeting twice a week is probably going to need to occur for the remainder of this pregnancy.
This pregnancy has not been easy for me. I have enjoyed my pregnancy. It's been a wonderful experience for myself, my husband, my family and friends. But truthfully, it has been physically difficult. I am not used to being hindered in any form, so to be unable to write because my hands hurt, to be unable to sit because my ribs hurt, or to be unable to sit on the floor playing with my stepson because it is WAY to hard to get back up, is just, well, difficult for me emotionally. I have spent (probably WAY too much time and) energy lamenting the difficulties and berating myself for being "less than perfect."
My husband, however, has been such a trooper! He rubs my hands, he makes me lie down, he spends extra time with Brytin so he doesn't feel left out, and he tells me often how beautiful I am :)
And the last couple weeks...well, let me tell you, my husband deserves a medal.
You see, throughout a female's life, there are various hormonal shifts in her body and brain that prepare her for the next step. For example, when a girl is around 14, she begins this journey towards motherhood. Truthfully, it is based on societal circumstances of our cave-dwelling days. We never evolved away from needing a gaggle of women to help us raise our children. So when a girl is 14, she becomes UBER social with the subconscious intent of forming a network to help her when she births her child(ren). Please read the Female Brain. Seriously.
Anyway. I can't prove it either way, but I think that at the beginning of my third trimester, my brain had a hormonal shift towards protecting my connection with my husband AT ALL COSTS. In preparation for the onslaught of changes that will occur once the baby is born, my brain is hell-bent on making sure my marriage goes into that difficult time fully intact. In turn, I've become a little psycho...
I don't mean like Glenn Close boiling a rabbit psycho, I just mean we've been having more "issues" lately than I'd like. Even though I do not think he is wholly innocent in these situations, I can honestly say that my hormones have definitely contributed to my irrational outbursts.
Thankfully, I believe I've finally got a grip on it. Thankfully, my husband is an amazing man. Thankfully, I have friends and family (and a therapist) who are always willing to support us in any way they can.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
The Year of Grace
A blogger recently posed the question, "What is my word for 2011?" I think 2011 is the year of grace.
My friend allowed herself to cry over hot dogs. My other friend owned up to her complete and total failure of a "vegan detox."
And me, well, my only goal was a book per week. 11 days into the year, and I'm still on book 1. But I'm totally okay with it. Its a dense book. Ive learned more than I ever expected. I dont want to rush thru it for the sake of some lofty goal. Yes, 2011 is destined to be the year I give myself some grace.
My friend allowed herself to cry over hot dogs. My other friend owned up to her complete and total failure of a "vegan detox."
And me, well, my only goal was a book per week. 11 days into the year, and I'm still on book 1. But I'm totally okay with it. Its a dense book. Ive learned more than I ever expected. I dont want to rush thru it for the sake of some lofty goal. Yes, 2011 is destined to be the year I give myself some grace.
posted from Bloggeroid
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
The Best Laid Plans
"The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry." The famous line, translated to current English from Robert Burns' poem "To a Mouse," is expertly explained on Dictonary.com as meaning:
"No matter how carefully a project is planned, something may still go wrong with it."
As I learned this summer, God always has better plans. (That Freewill Reunion led to the bun in my oven!)
However, often times it sucks when our best laid plans falter. Rarely is it due to anything we did wrong or planned poorly. Sometimes, our plans just fail. Unfair as it may be, sometimes that is just the way it is. There is no rational justification - there is only 20/20 hindsight that maps the choices that led us to this disappointing moment. Unfortunately, hindsight is a tricky bastard that can lead us awry! We need to be careful that hindsight does not lead us to regret perfectly awesome decisions that just somehow did not work out in the end.
It sucks to watch a loved one's best laid plans falter. Especially when you can see that it was not due to poor decisions or faulty planning. It is just one of those unfair shitty life moments. It sucks to be helpless to fix it. It sucks to be only able to say, "Wow. That sucks." Especially when it is someone you really love who truly had perfect plans and some outside force just swoops in and goes Katrina all over their lives. Especially when it is someone you really love who is a really good planner who had really great plans that just spontaneously combusted and the remains have the potential to cause irreversible physical, emotional and spiritual damage on peoples' lives.
How do you lovingly encourage someone through that without sounding like you are down-playing it or worse yet, overreacting? How do you help someone without sounding like you are being condescending or even worse, pitying them? How do you shrug it off and lament with them, all the while encouraging them to find a better solution than the present - knowing full-well that the PERFECT plan is no longer an option? How do you guide a heartbroken individual to a place where they not only accept the hand they have so rudely been dealt but actually convince them to embrace it with doe-eyed optimism, mindful excitement and even curiousity?
"No matter how carefully a project is planned, something may still go wrong with it."
As I learned this summer, God always has better plans. (That Freewill Reunion led to the bun in my oven!)
However, often times it sucks when our best laid plans falter. Rarely is it due to anything we did wrong or planned poorly. Sometimes, our plans just fail. Unfair as it may be, sometimes that is just the way it is. There is no rational justification - there is only 20/20 hindsight that maps the choices that led us to this disappointing moment. Unfortunately, hindsight is a tricky bastard that can lead us awry! We need to be careful that hindsight does not lead us to regret perfectly awesome decisions that just somehow did not work out in the end.
It sucks to watch a loved one's best laid plans falter. Especially when you can see that it was not due to poor decisions or faulty planning. It is just one of those unfair shitty life moments. It sucks to be helpless to fix it. It sucks to be only able to say, "Wow. That sucks." Especially when it is someone you really love who truly had perfect plans and some outside force just swoops in and goes Katrina all over their lives. Especially when it is someone you really love who is a really good planner who had really great plans that just spontaneously combusted and the remains have the potential to cause irreversible physical, emotional and spiritual damage on peoples' lives.
How do you lovingly encourage someone through that without sounding like you are down-playing it or worse yet, overreacting? How do you help someone without sounding like you are being condescending or even worse, pitying them? How do you shrug it off and lament with them, all the while encouraging them to find a better solution than the present - knowing full-well that the PERFECT plan is no longer an option? How do you guide a heartbroken individual to a place where they not only accept the hand they have so rudely been dealt but actually convince them to embrace it with doe-eyed optimism, mindful excitement and even curiousity?
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Articles on HubPages
I have been writing in a journal ever since I was a in third grade. I have always enjoyed writing. In high school, that writing bug blossomed from horrible attempts at fiction, to commentary - non-fiction pieces that (hopefully) provide some insight about something you care about.
Back in the MySpace days, I wrote my first ever "blog." Chris and I were breaking up after six weeks of falling in love...
Over the next three years, I wrote occassionally. (Like five days later when Chris and I got back together!) Nothing consistent, and nothing ground-breaking. But at the same time, I wrote blogs that caused people to feel what I felt, learn what I learned and see what I saw. A lot of those Myspace blogs are difficult for me to read, because they are very emotion-filled about MY life. I can still see myself sitting at the computer crying about whatever, and writing my little heart out.
But, I saved them. I moved them to Blogger, because I figured I wouldn't be visiting MySpace much. Thus, in August 2009, the blog "Exercises in Writing" was born. I had always intended to write more, to write better, but sometimes life gets in the way. (See Our Two-Wheeled Adventure and Elementary Escapades for evidence!)
The same month, I stumbled upon HubPages.com. This website intends to be a source of information (like Wiki), but a writer's community, and at the same time a portal for blogs. Make no mistake, I have no ideas of grandeur about my writing "career." I write for me, I write for you, and if a stranger happens upon it - and learns something, sweet.
I more than likely will never write the book I always wanted to. I more than likely will never be a journalist. I more than likely will never be a world-renowned blogger. I'm okay with that :) I'm a wife, a stay-at-home-parent, a biker, a Christian, a daughter, a really great bargain hunter and a friend. Isn't that enough?!
So, all that to tell you that there are some articles I wrote on HubPages, that I think are pretty gosh darn awesome. Unfortunately, they did not get read much. I'll post them here for you to read at your leisure ;)
I hope you have an awesome day.
My favorite Hub articles:
America: Land of the Free?
Barack Obama: Nobel Laureate 2009
Gavin Newsom and Keith Bardwell: Heroes or Villains?
And finally, the article I wrote yesterday:
Voting Dress Code First Step in Restoring Respect
Back in the MySpace days, I wrote my first ever "blog." Chris and I were breaking up after six weeks of falling in love...
Over the next three years, I wrote occassionally. (Like five days later when Chris and I got back together!) Nothing consistent, and nothing ground-breaking. But at the same time, I wrote blogs that caused people to feel what I felt, learn what I learned and see what I saw. A lot of those Myspace blogs are difficult for me to read, because they are very emotion-filled about MY life. I can still see myself sitting at the computer crying about whatever, and writing my little heart out.
But, I saved them. I moved them to Blogger, because I figured I wouldn't be visiting MySpace much. Thus, in August 2009, the blog "Exercises in Writing" was born. I had always intended to write more, to write better, but sometimes life gets in the way. (See Our Two-Wheeled Adventure and Elementary Escapades for evidence!)
The same month, I stumbled upon HubPages.com. This website intends to be a source of information (like Wiki), but a writer's community, and at the same time a portal for blogs. Make no mistake, I have no ideas of grandeur about my writing "career." I write for me, I write for you, and if a stranger happens upon it - and learns something, sweet.
I more than likely will never write the book I always wanted to. I more than likely will never be a journalist. I more than likely will never be a world-renowned blogger. I'm okay with that :) I'm a wife, a stay-at-home-parent, a biker, a Christian, a daughter, a really great bargain hunter and a friend. Isn't that enough?!
So, all that to tell you that there are some articles I wrote on HubPages, that I think are pretty gosh darn awesome. Unfortunately, they did not get read much. I'll post them here for you to read at your leisure ;)
I hope you have an awesome day.
My favorite Hub articles:
America: Land of the Free?
Barack Obama: Nobel Laureate 2009
Gavin Newsom and Keith Bardwell: Heroes or Villains?
And finally, the article I wrote yesterday:
Voting Dress Code First Step in Restoring Respect
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Vicky Gray Deaton's Note Regarding Marriage
I have no idea where Vicky Gray Deaton got this note. I do not know if she wrote it, or if it happened to someone she knows or if it was just an email forward she received. I do not know. My intent is not to steal it or take credit for it. I did not write this. However, I want you to read it. I want you to learn so many things from it. I want you to feel how the husband, the wife, the son AND the mistress felt. I want you to get a more clear picture of human interaction, human emotion and the human condition...Will you achieve all of these goals I have for you? I do not know, but I PRAY that you at least try.
MARRIAGE...A MUST READ! Saturday, July 17, 2010 at 7:03pm
MARRIAGE
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
MARRIAGE...A MUST READ! Saturday, July 17, 2010 at 7:03pm
MARRIAGE
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
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