Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Year's Eve

I've always had a love-hate relationship with New Year's Eve. Yes, it is a time to celebrate, a time to gather with loved ones and reminisce, a time to set goals for the next year and dream about tomorrows...But it's never been all that in my life.

First of all, New Year's Eve always seemed like the perfect opportunity for my inner demon to point out all my failures of the past year. I would spend the whole week between Christmas and New Year's lamenting all the things I did NOT accomplish.

Second of all, New Year's Eve was my ex-husband's birthday, so for seven years, I was actually not allowed to even really celebrate New Year's. He had such a ridiculous complex about "sharing" his birthday with a holiday, that any mention of it at any point prior to midnight was met with a temper tantrum.

Third of all, since I have been with Chris, we have always had Brytin on New Year's Eve. Not necessarily because we wanted to share the holiday with him, but because we wanted him to be safe...

So here it is, the end of 2009. I'm fighting the urge to consider all the things that went wrong this year. Truthfully, looking back on it, 2009 was a remarkable year, but there were some horrible moments.

As my witty friend Susan said, "thanks to you--2009!--for all of the beautiful lessons, infinite blessings and sweet surprises you brought to me. (By the way: you can also suck it for the crappy parts, 2009...I mean really.)"

In Feb 2009, Brytin came to live with us.
In March we bought our motorcycles.
In May, I lost my job and became a full-time parent.
In August, Brytin started Kinder, and we lost Emma.
In November, I turned 31, we had our first overnighter, and we celebrated 2 years of marriage. I made my first ever Thanksgiving dinner and we hosted a super fun party.
This month, Brytin turned 5, my mom almost died, and Chris got used to working in Supply again (under a new Chief).
In 2009, Brytin started learning how to read, Chris fell in love with me, and I started getting healthy. I'd say, 2009 was a rebuilding year. A successful one.

And tonight? Well, tonight, my husband is taking me out :) Brytin will be at his mother's. Chris and I will be going to dinner and then on a yacht cruise on the San Diego Bay.

We will also be with his group of friends - James, Ko, Fox, Fox's bro and Eli. Only one missing is Martin :( This group of guys have been around the entire year. They are a good group, a fun group, and a safe group. I am glad my husband met them, glad he chose them as his friends, glad we will be ringing in 2010 with them.

2010 shows hope for being amazing. The first week, we have two events scheduled that are pretty big and will shape the whole year.

Another gem from Susan:
I am the New Year.
I am an unspoiled page in your book of time.
I am your next chance at the art of living.
I am your opportunity to practice what you have learned about life in the last twelve months.
All that you sought and didn't find is hidden in me, waiting for you to search for it again and with more determination.
All the good that you tried for and didn't achieve is mine to grant when you have fewer conflicting desires.
All that you dreamed but didn't dare to do; all that you hoped but did not will; all the faith you claimed but did not have~ these slumber lightly, waiting to be awakend by the touch of a strong purpose.
It is never too late to be the person you always dreamed you would be.

Happy New Year to you! Be safe, be merry and be loved!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009


I am not a great photographer (especially while driving), but there was a really cool sunset in San Diego yesterday that I tried taking pictures of. After the pictures I took, the whole sky turned red, the mountains blushed pink and I smiled big. I love the beauty of sunsets (much more than sunrise).

Monday, December 28, 2009

In the Past

Passed is the past tense form of the verb to pass:

to pass: transitive verb meaning “to go beyond a point or place”
The principal parts are pass, passed, (have) passed, passing
Examples: I pass my evenings alone. Please pass the potatoes.
I am passing my days in the garden. I am passing all my courses in college.
The truck passed the house. His uncle passed away. I have passed my driving test. Charlie has passed out the papers. The cat had passed beyond the fence before we noticed she was out.

The word past can be used as more than one part of speech, but never as a verb.

past: noun meaning “that which has happened in past time.”
Ex. That’s all in the past. It’s usually preceded by the word “the.”

past: adjective meaning “gone by in time; elapsed.”
Ex. I haven’t seen him for the past month.

past: adverb meaning “beyond.” Usually the point of reference is supplied by the context.
Ex. I cowered as the bullets whizzed past.
past: preposition meaning “beyond.” It differs from an adverb because it is followed by an object.
Ex. The bullet whizzed past my head.

Two more handy tips:
The only verb that belongs in front of passed is some form of have:The days have passed quickly.
He had passed his exams before his father lost his job.
The horse has passed the finish line.

If the verb is is, don’t use passed:
For, lo, the winter is past.

Daily Writing Tips

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Ramblings of My Love

I appreciate that you will eat anything I cook - no matter how dry, how bland or how awful.

I get weak in the knees every time I see you with a shaved head.

Seeing how much you love your motorcycle inspires me to ride mine more.


I love it that no one can give you a massage as good as me.

You are a living example of Jesus; you show me every day how to be graceful, merciful, patient, kind, fair and forgiving.

Thank you for introducing me to Ruth Mayer.

I appreciate your candor regarding your childhood.

I am sorry Johnny Redcorn got in between us and the Grand Canyon ;)

There is nothing in this world sexier than you on your motorcycle.

I am so glad we mostly enjoy the same TV shows.

I love you for letting me play Sudoku every day.

I cherish our home.

I think it's cute that you HATE David Beckham ;)

I love the smell of cocoa butter in the morning.

I live for our conversations.

I will always remember the day I met your son.

I love it that you buy me Betty Boop stuff. (Just PLEASE don't over do it!)

Your robe is the most comfortable piece of clothing in our house.

There is joy in knowing that my parents adore you.

I will never forget when you ran with me.

I love meeting your needs before you express them - even better if I can do it before you even realize it's a need.

I am glad you showed me around Duarte.

I will always remember our first night (and morning) together.

I am so thankful for Joey's loyalty to you.

Your lips are soft.

I LOVE (and miss) long car rides with you.

I love it that I can see in your eyes when you are smiling - even if your mouth is in a straight line.

I will always remember San Francisco.

Thank you for making me a cup of coffee so many mornings!

It is my joy and my honor to be so greatly entrusted with your only heir.

I feel safe whenever you are close enough to touch me.

I adore you, Christopher David Broussard. Thank you for making Christmas 2009 so magical.

1/1/10 I will ALWAYS remember that you RAN to kiss me at midnight!!!!!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

My Favoritest Christmas

I always remember people saying Christmas is different with kids. I never had a chance to test that theory until this year, and let me tell you, it is the truest story I have ever heard. This Christmas season has been magical, wonderful, fun and priceless.

Since Brytin is older, and he is in Kindergarten this year, he has learned all the traditional Christmas carols, he is interested in the Christmas stories, and he LOVES doing anything that has anything to do with Christmas. We’ve colored pictures, we’ve made ornaments, we’ve decorated the inside and outside of the house, we made a foam house (instead of a gingerbread house), we have looked at other houses that are decorated…it’s been a month I will always remember.

Making it even more special is that my husband has actually been involved also. He even sent me flowers! We got a real tree. We decorated it with lights, bulb ornaments and all the special ornaments from my childhood that I have. I bought Chris and Brytin a special ornament, I bought Brytin a nutcracker ornament, too. And then Chris went out and bought me a set of Betty Boop ornaments.

We also put up a 4 foot artificial tree in Brytin’s room and decorated it. We hung garland and twinkle lights outside. And I also bought mistletoe that has added an extra special element to the holiday season – Brytin will randomly go underneath it and then yell to me, “Leslie! I’m under the mistletoe!” And I will run from wherever I am at in the house to give him a kiss. My little BooBoo is so darn awesome!

Tonight we are going to make chocolate chip cookies for Santa and we’re also going to make a gingerbread cookie Christmas tree. Tomorrow morning Brytin will (hopefully) find some gifts from Santa and a stocking full of surprises. We’ve also kept all his presents from us hidden, so he will be pleasantly surprised to see just how many presents there are for him.

Tomorrow night, Brytin will be with his mother, celebrating Christmas all over again. He is definitely a blessed little boy!

Tomorrow night, Chris and I will be hosting dinner for some of his co-workers that are not traveling this Christmas to be with their families. We’ll be enjoying a glazed ham, mashed potatoes, au gratin potatoes, glazed carrots, deviled eggs and brownies. It should be a very nice evening.

Then Saturday, we will be having a gathering for our friends. I managed to convince everyone to bring a regift/gag gift/cheap gift for a white elephant dice game. I’ll be serving ham sandwiches, au gratin potatoes, any leftovers from Friday, and Velveeta cheese dip.

The last decade or so of Christmases haven’t really been anything spectacular. This Christmas, however, with my mother home and almost healthy, my husband and stepson happy, and my house all decorated, I can’t help but understand what Christmas is all about.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Effective Communication

I wrote a blog recently about the fact that humans are frustrating. My biggest complaint is closed-minded people who refuse to respectfully dialogue.

I have recently had run-ins with people who were very unwilling to listen. Every time I shared my perspective, they closed their ears and focused on what they were going to say next. No matter what approach I took, no matter how much common ground I pointed out, no matter what I said, these closed-minded individuals did nothing but hurl insults, stonewall and repeat their same points over and over. In the end, I had to just accept that ignorance cannot be changed and chose to walk away.

It is very disappointing to have such a negative end result. The older I get, the more willing I am to listen. The more experienced I am, the more willing I am to learn from others’ experiences. The more I learn about the human condition, the more I realize how much I really do not know.

It is frustrating to me that it is impossible to explain to a know-it-all that s/he really does not know shit. It makes me sad that it is impossible to help a close-minded individual see how asinine their communication skills are. It is also frustrating that idiocy cannot be battled with logic.

As though my blog was a prayer from my lips to God’s ears, I think I have found the “cure” for other peoples’ inability to respectfully communicate. Not that I expect any of the people who bug me to actually read this, but I have at least found a solution to offer them when I have hit a brick wall.

I have been reading a very insightful book called "How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking about it,” by Pat Love and Steve Stosny. Though the book often references marriage when discussing the communication break-downs it claims to solve, all of the information is applicable to most relationships.

As I have said before in my other articles discussing this book, the background information about how males and females communicate and the principles for how to effectively dialogue in a respectful and productive manner are applicable in every conversation we have.

Each day, you might communicate with a family member, a friend, a significant other, a co-worker and/or one of your children.

Understanding where their perspectives originate from can greatly improve your ability to communicate effectively. (For more information, see How to Improve Your Communication WITHOUT Talking.)

Developing compassion for their perspective will help you to create an atmosphere that encourages productive dialogue.

Conducting yourself in a manner that is true to your values can only serve to improve your self-value and result in a willingness to value other people, too.

Developing the skill of “binocular vision” will give you an intuitive sense of how to improve your relationship without talking about it. (To learn about binocular vision, see "Effective Communication Requires Binocular Vision.")

Understanding communication and practicing the strategies offered in this book will (hopefully) encourage your co-communicator to act in kind.

Related blogs you may find interesting:
Feb 5 2007
Sept 6 2007
Apr 24 2008

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

From Our Home to Yours

Merry Merry Merry Christmas!

I pray your holiday is filled with peace, joy and love.

I pray 2010 is the greatest year of your life.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Elitest vs. Racist

I stumbled upon this article that sort of relates to yesterday’s post, Diplomacy. Unfortunately, the full article from the Huffington Post that is being quoted has been taken down.

Based on the comments the articles have received, it appears that comparing Obama and Tiger as 'Fallen Black Role Models' makes one racist...I always knew I had an elitest mentality, but I never knew myself to be racist. I must be, though, because I found myself agreeing wholeheartedly with Lisa Warren in the few paragraphs of her article that I was able to read.

I maybe would not have gone so far as to say that Mr. Obama has fallen as a role model. He is after all, the first minority President of the United States, and that is definitely something to look up to.

But I DID say in my blog posting yesterday that Obama's arrogance has partially caused things to not go his way. That is the same as Lisa Warren states, "toppled by their hubris."

I also agree that when a black role model stumbles, it is extra heart-breaking. I would accept if you called that mentality "elitest," because it could possibly come across like I pity the black Americans that do not have a decent role model...Even though that is not necessarily my intent, I can see how it would come across that way. Is that really racist?

Sunday, December 20, 2009


Barack Obama had great words, great ideas, great plans...

I believed in the possibility that a young black man could produce change. I liked the idea of America once again being revered throughout the world as an amazing place, because we are.

I know that Mr. Obama has only been in office less than a year, and that the first argument his supporters will make is that "it takes more than one year to fix eight years of damage." But really, I now think that that argument is mostly just smoke and mirrors.

It is not so much that I want him to fail. I'm not looking to say, "Nah Nah Nah Nah Boo Boo." I just hope that recent events have been a humbling experience for him. His approval rating is below 50 percent, China's President was offended by something he said and thusly refused to meet with him regarding climate change, Jewish Americans think he hates them, and his recent trip to Asia did NOT go as planned.

I was doe-eyed for change just like the majority of Americans. I believed his excellent speeches, too. I believed in the possibility that a change in the Administration's mentality could potentially improve our relations around the world.

I just hope that Mr. Obama can recognize that his arrogance, his incessant belief that he understands how foreign diplomats think, and his distaste for anything but "diplomacy" is what got him to where he is today.

If the Foreign Diplomats solely hated America because they hated W, then they would be clamoring to meet with Obama. That is not the case. They hate us for far more than who our President is. They hate us for our arrogance and our ignorance. Until THAT changes, there is no hope for a world without wars for power.

Want to read other articles I have written about politics? See here.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Answered Prayers

There are some things I do not write about on my blog. I know that may be surprising, considering the amount of very personal information that is on here, but a blog is not meant to be a diary. I do not write about all marriage issues, or all step-parenting issues, any financial issues, and I actually leave out a lot of family stuff...

The purpose of this particular blog is for you to read my writing. (I have another blog about motorcycling, one about my stepson and another about Scripture.)

Mostly, I write about lessons I have learned. I enjoy getting into the nitty gritty of experiences I have had to better understand my reaction, the human condition, and how to become a better person.

Well, this week, I have definitely learned a lot.

Most importantly, I learned that God is big enough to answer two very critical prayers regarding two different subjects on the SAME day!

I also learned that my husband will always take care of me when he is given the opportunity.

I realized that Brytin is truly the most amazingly beautifully awesome stepson I could have ever asked for.

And finally, I learned that cranberry sauce on a pork roast is VERY tasty :)

I hope you learn something today!!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

English is a funny language


Peruse originally meant to read in great detail.

Somehow, people starting using it to mean to review in a cursory manner.

Now, the definition is both (even though they blatantly contradict). If you use the word, and/or if someone uses the word in directions for you, be sure the meaning is clear!

Main Entry: pe·ruse
Pronunciation: \pə-ˈrüz\
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): pe·rused; pe·rus·ing
Etymology: Middle English, to use up, deal with in sequence, from Latin per- thoroughly + Middle English usen to use
Date: 1532
1 a : to examine or consider with attention and in detail : study b : to look over or through in a casual or cursory manner
2 : read; especially : to read over in an attentive or leisurely manner

— pe·rus·al \-ˈrü-zəl\ noun

— pe·rus·er noun

Thanks to for the heads up!

Another great article I read today is all about buzzwords of 2009.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Finally! Some Good News!!!

Mom was able to eat chicken broth, Jello, applesauce and sherbet yesterday!!!!!!!

It was a long road to get here, but I am so thankful that God provided this miracle.

A lot has happened since I last provided any details in My Mother: An Update.

When they discovered the hole in her stomach, they decided not to sew it closed, because there was a chance they would sew in an infection. The doctors wanted her stomach to heal from the inside out. They had apparently put some gauze on it and forgot about it, and so by Sunday there was infection run amok in her abdomen...bastards.

They installed a zipper of sorts on her abdomen, and went in twice a day to basically shovel out the copious amounts of pus...(sorry, but I don't know how else to describe what's going on). Every time this happens (twice a day this entire past week), my mom has been in excruciating pain. Her parts are sore from all the surgeries and infections and the nurses are in there just moving organs around to clear out the pus. I wish I could be there to hold her hand.

Then on Thursday or Friday they installed some sort of 24-hr vacuum to do the pus-removal for them. Apparently it worked well, because Mom was able to eat liquid substance on Saturday :)

When I talked to her last night, she was in such a better mood. She had been getting pretty down in spirits with all the unknowns and complications and sheer boredom. But yesterday, she was actually cracking jokes!

I think she is having daily cat scans to monitor her insides...I can't imagine excessive radiation is good for her...Dad says he hopes that tomorrow he will get a better idea from the doctor just where exactly everything stands.

I've sent her a few things that she should receive next week. Hopefully the packages will help her fight off the boredom and loneliness and frustration.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Hold Me Now

I was recently told that I need to write more. It's a true story. I only posted four times in November on this blog! In the last five weeks, I have had a birthday, I had a kick ass Thanksgiving, I hosted a super fun party for Brytin's birthday, I have been worried about my mom, and I have been busy being a fabulous wife.

I do have tons of stuff to write. I have most of it hand-written; I just need to type it up. Tonight, though, I have a post for you. I was sitting in my living room, alone, playing Sudoku and enjoying the music of Jennifer Knapp. One of the songs that I've listened to at least a thousand times caught my ear.

Hold Me Now
From glass alabaster
she poured out the depths of her soul.
O foot of Christ would you wait
if her harlotry's known?
falls a tear to darken the dirt.
Of humblest offerings to forgive the hurt.
She is strong enough to stand in your love.

I can hear her say...
I am weak.
I am poor,
I'm broken, Lord
but I'm yours.
Hold me Now. Hold me Now.

Let he without sin
cast the first stone if you will.
To say that my bride
isn't worth half the blood that I've spilled.
Point your finger and laugh if you choose
to say my beloved is borrowed and used
She is strong enough to stand in My love.

This songs speaks of two different instances of Jesus' ministry to women. Though both have many very valuable lessons, I am only going to write about the revelation that came to me this evening.

From Luke 7:35-50
Out of sheer adoration for her Savior, a prostitute cries at Jesus' feet, dries them with her hair, and then washes them with perfume. The Pharisees are appalled that he would allow a prostitute to touch him. Jesus explains that she took better care of him than the host of the party - she washed his feet with her tears, dried them with her hair, kissed them repeatedly and then poured expensive perfume on them.

From glass alabaster
she poured out the depths of her soul.
O foot of Christ would you wait
if her harlotry's known?
falls a tear to darken the dirt.
Of humblest offerings to forgive the hurt.
She is strong enough to stand in your love.

I can hear her say...
I am weak.
I am poor,
I'm broken, Lord
but I'm yours.
Hold me Now. Hold me Now.

It takes a truly strong person to accept that they need Christ. It is not easy to set pride aside and admit that I cannot get myself into Heaven. I need the blood of Christ.

I spent a good portion of my life labeling myself as weak, sub-par, a failure, and so much less. Only recently have I begun to comprehend the true strength I have and only tonight, as this song caught my ear, did I realize that I am strong enough to stand in Christ's love. The twelve disciples weren't (until the Holy Spirit came), Pontius Pilate wasn't, but this outcast harlot was, and I am too.

If you would like to learn a little more about the meanings behind this song, check out this blog entry by Jess Lemken on The Branch.

I previously wrote about the inability we have to cast stones.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Critical, but Stable

Mom is okay. She still needs your continued prayers.

She has an infection in her abdomen that they haven't been able to rid of. She is in critical condition still, but she remained stable another day. She's going to be fine, but the road to recovery is going to be long, painful, tiring, frustrating, and full of trial and error.

Please pray that she would be able to keep her spirits up while in the hospital.

For history, see these posts:
My Mother
My Mother: An Update

Sunday, December 6, 2009


I finally found Kristin Stich! (Apparently, I had been spelling her name wrong all these years.)

This treasure came in perfect timing for me. I have been working on self-esteem issues, and one of my biggest haunts was that I always had a negative impression of the type of friend I was to her. For 15 or so years, I have regretted choices I made...

For her to tell me that I was her best friend really just affirms everything I have been learning -- there is no reason for me to be so damn negative about myself!

Old friends really are the best friends!

Good Morning!

The beauty I awoke to this morning

As I awoke to kiss my husband good-bye as he left for work, I looked up at the sky and saw the most beautiful mix of blue, pink and white...

I have so much to be thankful for in my life. A wonderful husband, an amazing stepson, a home, priceless friends who love and support me through all my ups and downs, a mother whom I adore, a father who adores my mother, and a true belief that all things happen for the good of those who love Him.

I don't have a dime to my name, but I am surrounded by an abundance of love and happiness and strength. And for these truly invaluable things, I praise God.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

My Mother: An Update

Please read "My Mother" for previous information.

Okay, so here's where we think we are...

My mom's bile valve in her stomach is not operating correctly. The valve has been staying closed rather than opening and closing as needed. The back-up of stomach bile coupled with the fragile state of my mother's abdomen (previous ulcers, copious amts of scar tissue, gallstones, etc) led to hole(s) being created in her disgestive system. Because of my mother's overall condition (weakened immune system, rheumatoid arthritis, etc), the hole(s) have not been able to heal themselves (whereas someone without the other complications would probably heal quickly).

The two teams of doctors who are trying to fix my mother disagree about the best plan of action, so there is currently a temporary fix in place until they can concur.

The one thing they all agree on is that my mother CANNOT ingest anything orally until these holes heal. They think it will take approximately two months. So, yesterday, a feeding tube was inserted into my mother...

Thankfully, it is Christmastime, and I KNOW God would never ever ever let anything bad happen to my mother during her favorite time of year.

If you are the praying type, please please please pray that the hole(s) would heal miraculously fast. No one in their right mind can go two months without even drinking water...Yes, food bags have the nutrients our bodies need to survive, but that doesn't satisfy a person's desire to have food, drink, etc. Plus, while she cannot ingest anything orally, she cannot take some of her necessary arthritis medicines...

Also, my mother would really really really like to attend her granddaughter Josie's 5th birthday Princess Party next Friday. Please pray that this would be an option for her.

UPDATE 12:45 pm (PST)
Dad just called. The doctors decided not to do any operations for awhile. Mom is too fragile and they are concerned that they could potentially do more harm than good by operating again. They've got the temporary fix in the valve, she's got the feeding tube in, so now it's just wait and see...Praise God that she is currently stable.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

My Mother

My mom is sick. She's fought with her health for about 20 years now. It started with carpal tunnel when I was in like fifth grade. Then she had a torn ligament in her knee which turned into rheumatoid arthritis. The pain pills for the arthritis ate her stomach, so she lost about 60 percent of it. My senior year in high school, she came down with A Plasta Anemia...That's a rough sketch of her history. Some of the details are foggy, some of the specifics are ignored, and some of the memories are just too horrible to remember.

My mom and I haven't always gotten along. There were about three years where I didn't even speak one word to her, but now, today, my mom and I are super close. She helps me with marriage stuff, with life stuff, with gardening, with decorating, with cooking, and with gossiping. I love talking to her on the phone for hours at a time. I wish I lived closer so I could just go hang out with her everyday (well, maybe every other day)...

Multiple times in my life, I have thought that my mom might die from whatever is ailing her at the moment, but it never hurt as bad as today. I spent all day decorating for Christmas. I spent all day thinking about my mom and how Christmas is her favorite time of year. I thought about all the gifts she has given, about the garland we used to hang at the house on 63rd, how her nickname Mallard came about, how my dad and I would always try real hard to get along at Christmas...And then at 4pm (PST) today, when I was all done decorating and just enjoying the dusky glow of twinkle lights wrapped around garland, my dad called.

My mom had to have emergency exploratory surgery, because her insides are infected and swollen. She had surgery a few weeks ago, because some gallstones had invaded her liver and were causing it to shut down. The doctor was able to get the stones out and took out her gallbladder also. She was left with a bile bag and a couple tubes.

My mom always has complications. When she had A Plasta Anemia, only my cousin Todd's plasma helped her (we attribute it to all the Hamm's he was drinking at the time). She is allergic to a thousand different things - including whatever they used to stitch her up in her last surgery. She's allergic to silver and 14k gold and a ton of medicines...

But I love her. And it's Christmas. And I believe in miracles.

UPDATE: 7 pm (PST)
My dad just called. Mom is out of surgery. It went okay, but apparently her bile bag wasn't working properly. There is bile floating around her body...not good. They are bringing in a specialist tomorrow for another surgery.

My dad was crying...if you knew my dad, you would be surprised. He's a biker, he's an asshole, he's rough and tough, he's long-haired and tattooed. But you know what? He adores my mother.

If ever there was a reason for me to love and appreciate my stepfather, it is because for thirty years, he has adored my mother. He hasn't always shown his adoration or been able to express his feelings, but I know he loves her. I've seen it. I've heard it. I've felt it. I don't know whether or not my mom knows it, but I know it.

I realized it in like '97 or '98...I was having trouble with a boyfriend, and my dad actually was the one who helped me. I don't recall anymore what he said, but I remember that my reaction was, "Wow, you really LOVE my mom. I never realized that before." Truthfully, he would be lost without her - especially at Christmastime.

UPDATE: 8 pm (PST)
My aunt Mary Joe called (my dad's sister) to try to better explain the situation, and reassure me that everything would be fine. Gotta love MJ :)

The doctor said that when he opened mom up tonight, there was infection all over. The intent of the surgery was to try to clean up (at least some) of the infection, and hopefully be able to pinpoint the cause. None of that happened. The doctor said they are "unable to pinpoint the cause at this time." Bastard.

He explained that there are a lot of possible scenarios:
1. The bile filled up her stomach and leaked out the spot where she previously had the bleeding ulcer.
2. When they operated her on previously, they nicked something and so she was bleeding internally.
3. The allergic reaction she had to the "small amount of metal" in the sutures has gotten out of control.

Either way, the doc said they have to bring in a specialist and operate on her tomorrow. Unfortunately, that is a huge concern. She just had TWO surgeries the end of October, and another one tonight. Three surgeries in one month on a frail woman is NOT a good idea! (And I guess the doctor was saying that it might take two or three surgeries to actually fix her...) One of the reasons it took two surgeries to clean up her kidney and liver is because the ulcer/stomach surgery created so much scar tissue. Aren't they just creating MORE scar tissue every time they open her up? Plus, they were saying that her blood pressure is extremely low.

If the problem is an infection, why can't they treat it without surgery? White blood cells fight infection - can't they just inject her with hundreds of thousands of the little buggers to go in and clean up? (Like those fish that suck on the aquarium glass constantly...) Can't they pump her full of antibiotics?

Surely, the miracles of modern medicine have got to have a way to help my mother.

I cannot believe this is happening the FIRST time I ever got jazzed about Christmas since moving out of my parents house...Do you think God is trying to tell me that I should be focusing more on the Savior than Santa?

UPDATE: 9 pm (PST)
I can rest easy tonight. I got to talk to my mommy :) Thank you, Lord!!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


I am only on page 5 of "The Female Brain," and my assessment so far is that it is just not fair!

I am not whining. I know women are strong and smart enough to rise above the forces working against us. I am just saying tht it is not fair that there are so many forces working against us.

The book (so far) explains how hormones impact every facet of our lives - our values, ideas, moods, etc. Our hormones have the potential to change us DAILY.

I have been taking birth control pills since I was 15...I cannot imagine the effect those have had on me. Not to mention, the effect when I forget to take a pill or three. What happens when I switch brands?!

There are hormones in our food, our drinks, our medicine and probably a bunch of other places I am not thinking of.

How can we ever win that battle? How can men ever understand us?