Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Kurt Sutter Understands Me

There is a recent trend in blogging - being blatantly rude, but truthful about everyone. And everything that annoys you. It started for me with Moms Who Drink and Swear and blossomed into a collection of about seven blogs that I follow.

And then the bug hit me. I wanted a part of the action so badly. People bug me too! I never tell people what I REALLY think. And posting how I really feel on the Internet would be so therapeutic! Besides, I could be anonymous, right? Who knows? Maybe under a pseudonym, I'll get the recognition I desire.

And then, I got the recognition I desired, and it wasn't pretty.

For the first time ever, a stranger stumbled upon one of my blogs via Google. And this particular stranger was NOT happy with the particular post he stumbled across. He then proceeded to tell 150 of his closest friends what I had said.

Finally, after writing for 23 years about my thoughts, feelings, and opinions, finally some stranger saw my writing - and told all his friends. And even left comments! Unfortunately, the piece they stumbled upon was not my finest work...I was so heartbroken...

I feel like I got dragged down into this negative place, but I don't want to reside there anymore. This incident with my blog post broke my heart, but it snapped me back into my own reality. I'm not snarky, sassy, hurtful or disrespectful. I try, but I am more naturally kind, compassionate, considerate, sensitive, caring and so much more simultaneously.

And then today I read a recent blog posting from Kurt Sutter, the genius behind Sons of Anarchy. And truly, it sums up exactly where my head was at.
I'm exhausted by my own self-righteousness. Really. I have so many fucking opinions that feel so weighty and so relevant to the future of mankind, that I realized I'm just a fucking delusional downer. I know that sounds extreme and I don't regret anything I've said, but lately I've become very aware that my angry outbursts serve no purpose other than to relieve some small amount of pressure from my obsessive need to be understood. And by understood, I mean loved, worshiped and adored. I'm not a dick. Okay, not all the time. For the most part, I'm a fairly reasonable dude, but when I take a hit off of any fucking injustice pipe, man, I am fucking hooked on a feeling. High on believing, that you're in love with me. Ouga Chaka.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Fathers and Daughters

I don't have the emotional strength to relive the past for you today. But I hope you might take the time to read what I wrote when I had the strength.

Nature vs. Nurture
A Girl Needs Her Daddy
An Old Journal Writing

I don't have the time to write some beautiful prose about how my stepfather has come to be a father that I truly love. But trust me when I tell you, he has. I wish more than anything that he lived next door.

I don't regret any of the bullshit we experienced in the last 32 years, but I am more likely to recall the good stuff - like the mashed potato patties, the steak fondue, the motorcycle rides, and the lighter between his toes.

I love that crazy man, and I am thankful that he stuck around long enough for me to realize it.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Public Apology

My sincerest of apologies to anyone I offended with a post I made last month. I am greatly sorry that my message came across as disrespectful.
As a person who expresses myself through writing, I expect that not everyone will agree with what I post. However, I never ever desire to be hurtful.

As requested, I have removed the post. Again, I am so sorry.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Another Stolen Quote

This time, I'm stealing a quote from Stacy (who copied it from a book). It brought tears to my eyes and I'd like to read and reread it often - like every time Chris makes me frustrated.

"You, my dear friend, will be a bride for one day, but you will, with God's grace and your very own hard work, be a wife to this man every day for the rest of your life. Being a bride is super-fun, but it pales in comparison to the thrill and beauty of being a part of one of the truly greatest partnerships. Make your love story one worth telling. Make it one worth living, every day, as long as you both shall live."

I love when she writes about marriage.