I took a break from blogging (obviously). I’ve missed it greatly; writing is very therapeutic, enlightening and gratifying for me. I had to take a break, though, because the issues I have had in 2010 are not my own to write about…It’s one thing for me to air my dirty laundry all over the World Wide Web, but it would be disrespectful for me to publish my feelings regarding other people’s issues…
January was tough for Chris and me. Just a cyclic relationship-growing period, I think. Nothing was wrong, but nothing was right. I think that the high of December created an equal but opposite low January. Thankfully, we pulled out of the funk.
February was tough for me. There were a lot of “anniversaries” of negative things in February that just made the month a difficult one for me. With the help of my caring mother, my wise friends, my awesome husband and my oh-so-amazing therapist, I came out of that silly little month with an excellent attitude, and March came in like a sweet innocent fluffy little lamb.
Of course, as it always does, March has reared its ugly lion head and once again life is stressful. Anyone who is friends with me on Facebook has seen that over the past couple months I have become EXCESSIVELY addicted to a fun game called Farmville. Do you know why I play that game non-stop? I have a few theories.
Because the trying circumstances that surround me are uncontrollable by me, my “fixing” energy is spent making one hell of an amazing farm.
No matter how I approach the trying circumstances that surround me, I am often painted as the “bad guy.” However, in Farmville, I am a VERY successful, multi-million dollar farmer. Therefore, living in this alternate reality allows me to feel successful even though some may see me as a total waste of space.
Because I am such an awesome individual – giving, caring, selfless, intelligent, compassionate, etc etc etc, I subconsciously feel entitled to do whatever in the hell I want. My family still eats, my stepson still makes it to school, my friends still know I love them, and the kindergarten class at Loma Elementary still get all their worksheets, so who cares if I spend hours every day farming a make-believe land of 10,000 chickens?
I am still that pathetic poser I was in high school that longs to be liked and so when I felt pressured by my friend to play, I caved.
So, you ask, what is the point of these theories? Will I stop playing once I figure out WHY I play? Probably not. But it does help me understand why every time I feel even slightly stressed I start thinking about what seeds I want to plant next.