Sunday, May 29, 2011

I Had a Dream

Last night I dreamt that Dae and I were visiting my sister. He said his first sentence "No one knows me here."

The dream was present day, he was a smidge older, but not yet a year. We were sitting outside, him on my lap, maybe by a bonfire. I asked him something, can't remember exactly what, but he responded with words - big words. Lots of them. "No one knows me here," he said, as he looked right into my eyes.

I said "Do you want to leave?" And he said, "Yes."

It's crazy that I dreamt about his first sentence. The fact that my sister was a character in the story complicates matters.

I don't often spend a lot of time thinking about my dreams. There are two from junior high that I remember vividly. There's one from my first marriage I remember. There's a couple I have written about. There are a few more from my pregnancy - my baby having chin-length wavy red hair, my baby getting kidnapped, and hearing my baby laughing during an ultrasound.

I've never dreamt about my sister before, but now I have - TWO nights in a row. I find it hard to believe that doesn't mean SOMETHING. What though?

The meaning of his first sentence, "no one knows me" is laced with multiple possibilities. Is he saying I should allow him to know his aunt? Or just stating a fact? Or is he implying that he doesn't like it that no one put forth effort to know him?

I got the impression that we'd been sitting there a loooong time and he was saying, "Look, we tried. We came. We put ourselves out there and not one person spent a significant amount of time talking to us. These people are not worth our time."

My relationship with my sister is complicated, and yet described so simply - there isn't one. And most likely, both of us are too hurt and jaded to make the first step to change it.

It's unfortunate for our children, because my sister and I have managed to follow in the footsteps of every single member of our family (BOTH sides). A family member pisses us off or hurts our feelings and we write them off, never to speak to them again.

When my sister and I were close, I believed we could break that viscious cycle. I had a dream that we would be lifelong friends...


  1. I have no idea how to interpret dreams but I wish I did because I have some very interesting ones from time to time. I think maybe you might be feeling the need to attempt to reach out to your sister even though you seem to feel it may be a wasted effort.

    Having a child makes you want to reconnect with people you were once close with. More than likely because you don't want him to someday say something like "I don't know my own aunt at all and it’s all your fault". If you make an effort to reach out to her and she rejects you than it’s on her.

    I don't have a sister and sometimes I wish I did. Other times I thank my parents for stopping with my brother. My mom has two sisters and the drama she has gone through with each of them makes me extremely grateful to do not have one. On the other hand I have never had the opportunity to experience the bond between sisters that I have only heard about.

    As for Dae speaking an entire sentence in your dream, I think that is just your mind expressing to you through your dream how you subconsciously think he will feel about the situation. However, I think really you are just reflecting your feelings about the situation through him. He is going to be just fine whether you have a relationship with your sister or not. In my opinion, I think you miss your sister and want a relationship with her. I of course do not know the reason as to why you and your sister no longer have a relationship and if I did maybe I would have a different opinion. However, if I were you I would make an effort to reach out to her. This can go one of two ways, either you can rebuild your relationship and leave the past in the past. Or she can want nothing to do with you and that will be your closure to let her go completely…for your own good.

    These are just my opinions though so do whatever you feel you need to do. Good luck either way.

  2. Candice:
    Wow! Thank you!
    Thank you for visiting my blog!
    I really appreciate knowing when people read what I write - your comments help me gauge that!
    Thank you thank you thank you for such thorough insight into my dream.
    I agree that my dream probably means I should reach out to her...but I probably won't :(
    Thanks again for leaving a comment. I REALLY appreciate it!!!