High Expectations

Similar to how I have high expectations for Chris as a husband and Brytin as a son, I have higher expectations for myself. And I never allow folks to be less than their potential without at least acknowledging that I know they can be better...I hope I dont make others feel like I make myself feel...

posted from Bloggeroid

Sister

I think of you sometimes.

Yesterday was difficult to not have you near.

I don't expect anything to change between us.

I just think of you sometimes.

posted from Bloggeroid

Commitment

Some of you may not know this, but I have been divorced. I failed in my commitment to my first husband. Not from lack of effort, believe you me, but because I allowed myself to grow weary and tired. I refused to acknowledge the problems my ex-husband and I were having to anyone outside of the relationship and thus the communication between him and I failed - at every turn. There's 1,000 additional layers to that story, but at the bare bones of it all, I gave up.

I was very embarrassed by that fact for a long time - to the point where I had almost begun to forget that I was ever married before November 23, 2007.

However, I now believe that remembering the mistakes I made helps me to better understand the word "commitment."

I remember when my first husband and I were first married, I read an article in Relevant Magazine about "starter marriages" and thought it was the most absurd thing I'd ever read about. People getting married, then divorcing within five years and claiming they learned a lot about marriage, commitment, etc...It seems an oxymoron to learn about commitment through divorce, but I have to acknowledge, it happened in my life.

I swore up and down forever and ever that I would never ever ever get divorced. My parents were divorced and it was ugly and I wanted no part of it. I make no excuse for my choice to sin, please don't misread. Divorce IS ugly and should be avoided at all costs. I NEVER advocate for that choice - especially since I've been through it.

But it IS possible to learn about commitment through divorce.

But more than love it's about commitment. Because it doesn't matter how much you love someone if you're not committed to them.

Come hell or high water.

Love or hate.

Mountain top moments and deep, dark valleys.

Winning the lottery or declaring bankruptcy.

Perfect health or a fatal diagnosis.

Or just year after year after year of living life as two sinful people trying to love Jesus.

It's hard. Really hard. And that's why it's not about how you feel. It's not about your emotions. It's not about getting your needs met. It's about a commitment.

You made a commitment. You said I do, I will, I promise.

That means you change your career if you aren't seeing your spouse enough. You rearrange your life to make it work. You go see a therapist. You become authentic like you didn't know was possible. You ask someone to pray for you and your marriage.

You do whatever. it. takes.

He doesn't love Jesus? So what. You love Jesus with all that you are, follow hard after Him and pray to God that your husband might be won over by the godly behavior of his wife.

When divorce is off the table...when it's not even an option - it will change things. Communication and openness will reach a deeper level.

I read these words written on Valentine's Day by my friend, and they resonated in my soul. I feel them. I live them. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I will never give up on being Christopher Broussard's wife.


If you learned that without having to go through a divorce first, I'm VERY VERY VERY happy for you. But I couldn't, and that's okay too.

Role Model

Apparently, Leslie Broussard is a role model. LOL Check this out!

Ladies, HIDE your daughters!

"Forever" by Sarah Writes

I read this beautiful poem today and wanted to share it with anyone who would read it.

Forever My Friend

Where would Bonnie be without Clyde by her side?

What would have happened to the three amigos if one of them died?

What would be me if I never had you?

The only person I tell everything to.

The person I call on my best and my worst.

Whether I’m crying or laughing I think of you first.

There have been times when I’m stuck in more than a bind

But you have been there to save me from myself every time.

Without judgment, comment, or a condescending gaze.

You have always been there through my every ridicules’ faze.

You’re like a rock, and I’m like the wind.

You’re stronger than me, you have always been.

Your tougher, more stable, and wont me moved by my breeze.

By same unpredictable wind that has pushed everyone else away from me.

Gentle or fierce I can go off both ways, yet your strong foundation never sways.

You are loving, and caring honest and true

And if I’m in a fight I always count on you.

To be by my side, guns drawn left and right

Pointed at the opponents, even if you know there right.

I don’t thank God enough for putting you by my side

My forever best friend, even after I die.

In my world you’re Bonnie, and I guess that makes me Clyde.

:)

She has more awesome poems. Check 'em out!

L-O-V-E LOVE

Love is an emotion that combines compassion, trust, adoration and laughter into great big invisible package I give to someone else.

posted from Bloggeroid

Long Forgotten

I've written so much over the years, I often forget the really important stuff.

"I can only control myself. I cannot change my husband. I can only control my actions and responses. If Chris chooses to be a less than spectacular husband, he will have to live with that. When he is 80 years old, he will bear the burden of regret for the opportunities he chose to ignore. Not me. I can control my choices. I can choose to be an amazing wife every single day. I can joyfully take care of his home, his son, and his finances. If he chooses to be a schmuck, that is his loss. He loses out on the opportunity to be an amazing husband, but that does not change my opportunity to be an amazing wife."

I wrote that about a year ago. It was a part of a series I did - review of the book, "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It." I recommend rereading my series of blogs, and then buying the book and reading that, too!

Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Effective Communication (With links to some other really old blogs!)

LIBERATED!

Remember my word of the year? (Hint: starts with a "G," rhymes with "race." LOL)

Well let me tell you - today, that grace has led to a feeling of liberation!

I set the goal of a book a week, and I had a plan for January (for at least the first three books).

Today, however, I returned two of them to the library. (GASP!) Why? Because I don't WANT to read them!

"Mindful Motherhood" had an amazing introduction that talked all about being a zen-like mommy - calm, cool, collected and present (or mindful). The introduction roped me in.

"When you get more comfortable with the fact that everything is always changing, you begin to pay more attention to riding the waves of life rather than struggling against or trying to control them."

I NEEDED to be that kind of momma for Baby B.

I finished reading "What Mothers Do," on Jan 15 and immediately began "Mindful Motherhood."

Interestingly, mindfulness (aka Zen) book brings much anxiety and negative thought about motherhood compared to "What Mothers Do."

When reading Naomi's book, I felt capable, understood, almost revered for the challenges I am about to face. Mindfulness book, thus far, recounts extremely negative situations and then tells you to accept them as they are. (I.E. a screaming baby in a grocery store, a screaming baby on an airplane, or a screaming baby at home.)

I know that those situations exist, and I know that I will have to face them, but the author just didn't present them in a way that made me believe I could handle them in a calm, cool or collected manner. So I ditched the book halfway through.

The second book I was liberated from in this year of grace, was "No One's the Bitch." Like I said previously, I was initially excited to read it, because I felt like it would help me develop a better attitude about the mother of my stepson and hopefully encourage me to extend an olive branch...

However, throughout the introduction, I kept thinking to myself, "I really don't care." My stepson is well taken care of by his three parents, regardless of the fact that his mommy and stepmom have barely exchanged three sentences in a year and a half. Sure, the situation could be better, but it doesn't have to be, and I am not interested at this stage of my life to put forth any effort to change it. So, I returned the book.

LIBERATED!

A Third-Tri Hormonal Shift

A friend recently posted a great question: "How is Your Marriage?" It was a wonderful post that reminds us all that we need to show concern for others.

But, mostly, it reminded me of how truly amazing my husband is.

I mentioned previously, that my husband and I made the decision to forego depression medicine while I am with child.

I have continued with weekly therapy appointments, just to make sure someone is keeping an unbiased eye on my mental health - for my sake and my baby's. This week, my therapist and I agreed that meeting twice a week is probably going to need to occur for the remainder of this pregnancy.

This pregnancy has not been easy for me. I have enjoyed my pregnancy. It's been a wonderful experience for myself, my husband, my family and friends. But truthfully, it has been physically difficult. I am not used to being hindered in any form, so to be unable to write because my hands hurt, to be unable to sit because my ribs hurt, or to be unable to sit on the floor playing with my stepson because it is WAY to hard to get back up, is just, well, difficult for me emotionally. I have spent (probably WAY too much time and) energy lamenting the difficulties and berating myself for being "less than perfect."

My husband, however, has been such a trooper! He rubs my hands, he makes me lie down, he spends extra time with Brytin so he doesn't feel left out, and he tells me often how beautiful I am :)

And the last couple weeks...well, let me tell you, my husband deserves a medal.

You see, throughout a female's life, there are various hormonal shifts in her body and brain that prepare her for the next step. For example, when a girl is around 14, she begins this journey towards motherhood. Truthfully, it is based on societal circumstances of our cave-dwelling days. We never evolved away from needing a gaggle of women to help us raise our children. So when a girl is 14, she becomes UBER social with the subconscious intent of forming a network to help her when she births her child(ren). Please read the Female Brain. Seriously.

Anyway. I can't prove it either way, but I think that at the beginning of my third trimester, my brain had a hormonal shift towards protecting my connection with my husband AT ALL COSTS. In preparation for the onslaught of changes that will occur once the baby is born, my brain is hell-bent on making sure my marriage goes into that difficult time fully intact. In turn, I've become a little psycho...

I don't mean like Glenn Close boiling a rabbit psycho, I just mean we've been having more "issues" lately than I'd like. Even though I do not think he is wholly innocent in these situations, I can honestly say that my hormones have definitely contributed to my irrational outbursts.

Thankfully, I believe I've finally got a grip on it. Thankfully, my husband is an amazing man. Thankfully, I have friends and family (and a therapist) who are always willing to support us in any way they can.

The Year of Grace

A blogger recently posed the question, "What is my word for 2011?" I think 2011 is the year of grace.

My friend allowed herself to cry over hot dogs. My other friend owned up to her complete and total failure of a "vegan detox."

And me, well, my only goal was a book per week. 11 days into the year, and I'm still on book 1. But I'm totally okay with it. Its a dense book. Ive learned more than I ever expected. I dont want to rush thru it for the sake of some lofty goal. Yes, 2011 is destined to be the year I give myself some grace.

posted from Bloggeroid

Books! Books! Books!

Even though I said "my heart wouldn't be in to it," I set a goal for the first three months of 2011.

I plan to read one book every week until the baby is born.

It's a lofty goal, I know, but I keep hearing that once the baby is born, I will not have time to read, and there are just so very many books I want to read!

Book #1 is called "What Mothers Do" by Naomi Stadlen, and boy is it a doozy!

I have been taking notes with the hope that as soon as the carpal tunnel lets up, I'll clue you all in to what I have learned :)

My second book will be, "Mindful Motherhood." I read the introduction and was already able to share some knowledge with a blogging friend (see comments).

PS: She has been blogging for a month and has 4 times as many followers. What gives?! Is there really no one reading my writing?!

Book #3, I think, will be "No one is the Bitch." It is going to help me learn my "place" as a stepparent, I hope...

And then, I plan to round out January with something light. Maybe I'll buy the 16th Stephanie Plum book :)

A New Year?

The calendar tells me that time has changed. It is no longer 2010, but my mind isn't thinking that way. I really don't care if it is 2010 or 2011. All I know is that every day that passes, I am 24 hours closer to holding a baby in my arms.

Truthfully, 2011 will bring big changes, but not because of my resolve to change myself or my life. And truthfully, 2010 was a huge year for me, but not because of my resolve to make it so.

I could sit here and develop some goals for 2011, but my heart wouldn't be in it. Tomorrow begins my 28th week of pregnancy, and I just don't think that now is the time to focus on getting organized, getting in shape or getting out of debt. Oh, and because I am pregnant, I already quit smoking ;)

So really, this holiday has passed me by, and I am okay with that. 2010 was a great year and 2011 will be even better.

Success!

I actually did it! We baked a birthday cake for Jesus! I said I was going to do it, and we did it! I am so proud of myself :)

Granted, it didn't go exactly as I had planned...there was no time to decorate the birthday cake because the boys took a loooong time decorating the gingerbread house (that wasn't in the original plan, but was a HUGE blessing). Brytin and I didn't gorge ourselves on birthday cake either, but that probably wasn't a necessary part of the fun.

We mixed the batter together. I baked. I frosted. I lit the candle, and all three of us sang "Happy Birthday." Brytin, of course, enjoyed a piece of the cake :)


Yesterday, a dear old friend posted this status update on Facebook, "if there is one flaw in women, it is this...they forget there worth and how remarkable they truly are!:)"

I think that one of the best ways to remember my worth is to celebrate my successes.

Yay me!

Simple Christmas?

A friend suggested we all focus this year on a "Simpler Christmas."

I can check that off my "to do" list.

I haven't hung a single strand of lights, and haven't yet decided if I even will.

I had good intentions. After Brytin's birthday, I was going to lug all the decorations out. (I always wait until after his birthday.)

But then I found out he'll be gone for the ten days preceding Christmas, and I just haven't been able to muster the energy to do any of the awesomely fun stuff we did last year.

Last year was an AWESOME Christmas - my favoritest. I will always remember it. I wasn't overburdened or burnt out or anything like that. I had every intention of working the same game plan this year. But, when the child will be gone for ten days, it just sort of changes the game, I guess.

Life has been pretty difficult for me since Thanksgiving. It was a pleasure to serve a Thanksgiving feast. But the pain that has invaded my hands and my ribs since...well, let's just say I've been a crabbypants for a few weeks now...

So, as I reread my friend's blog posts about simplifying our holiday celebrations, I am reminded that Christmas really can be best celebrated in many simple ways.

+ Every time Brytin and I are in the car, and it is dark outside, we take the time to enjoy the Christmas lights others have hung.

+ Christopher received a Christmas present that he truly truly truly L-O-V-E, LOVES. (An ipod nano.)

+ We take our dog for a walk after dark, so we can enjoy the Christmas lights in our neighborhood.

+ We took Brytin ice skating - and Chris had a FABULOUS time :D

+ I got a pea in a pod ornament to commemorate my pregnancy.

Brytin leaves tomorrow, so there really isn't time for much Christmas fanfare. I think that before he goes, he and I will bake a birthday cake for Jesus. And I will thank Him for a holiday that has so far been filled with peace and joy and love.

(Birthday Cake idea stolen from article, "Have Yourself a Very Simple Christmas."

People-Pleaser Checklist

Ever wondered if you are a people-pleaser? I found this people-pleaser checklist in "Be Happy Without Being Perfect" by Alice Domar.

1. I should always do what others want, expect or need from me.

2. I should take care of everyone around me whether they ask for help or not.

3. I should always listen to everyone's problems and try my best to solve them.

4. I should always be nice and never hurt anyone's feelings.

5. I should always put other people first, before me.

6. I should never say no to anyone who needs or requests something of me.

7. I should never disappoint anyone or let others down in any way.

8. I should always be happy and upbeat and never show any negative feelings to others.

9. I should always try to please other people and make them happy.

10. I should try never to burden others with my own needs or wants.

You may need to replace "other people" with "my husband" or "my mother" or my "best friend" or "my children" to get a firm grasp on your true situation.

The book suggests writing opposing statements to train your brain to start changing the behavior. For example, "I should always do what my mother wants, expects or needs" could be rewritten to say "I know that I do not always have to do what my mother wants, expects or needs from me. I can choose to give when and if i want to do so."