Current mood: betrayed
It doesn't matter how much integrity I have, because the whole world is based on perception anyway. It's like no matter how "straight-up" I conduct myself, someone always perceives me as shady or deceptive anyway. And those who KNOW me don't even bother to stick up for me. It's such bullshit.
I don't think the solution is to just throw my hands up and walk away. But at the same time, how long can the same fight be fought? How long can one stand getting beat up and then kicked while they are down?
Paul...I don't have the time to look for the verse right now, but Paul says that for Christ he'll take the beatings over and over and over. To suffer is to gain in Christ. But HOW is God glorified in the bullshit I deal with on a day-to-day basis? Seriously? I do my best to act according to God's standards, but if everyone just keeps attacking me anyway, WHAT GOOD AM I REALLY DOING?!!